Monday, March 22, 2010

Ribboned, Corsetted ... Perfect!!


You know how at Easter you always had to have a new Church outfit .. and well the Biffster (my brother) always got a nice pair of pants and a shirt, a relaxed dressy version of the suit he was usually expected to wear .. we went from fur and velevet to um .....lacy dresses bound with ribbon and crinolines and stupid fake flowers ...


And hats .. white lacy hats with a stupid elastic that fit under your chin (and cut through your windpipe and leaving a permanent scar to forever remind you of your servitude to your grandparents and religion). They wanted to make sure the hat stayed on even in the case of a cyclone hitting, cause gosh knows you wanted to be seen by all the guys on the baseball team wearing that get up. AND .. in the event of a cyclone .. you would look nice at the morgue and they could idenitfy the body easier ... "Um ya ,.. thats mine with the binnies and spring sprites, the toille and the big pink bow ...." I usually punched the first guy who opened their mouth and laughed at me .....and I did unspeakable things to the last one .... but by the end of that Sunday usually Biff was lost somewhere behind the church bound in ribbons and wearing my hat .... I would have put the crinolines on him too when I tied him up but then I would have been naked and naked and church .. well they have a lot of rules ....


I figure a bunch of senile old ladies sit in a church basement and make the hats .. glue gunning more and more lace .. they are let go for an hour until someone pries the glue guns and the fake flowers out of their hands, off their faces, and each other .. .and the hats are gathered up and sold to K-Mart. Somewhere people are laughing their asses off and counting stacks of money as the mothers squeal around the hat bin going .. "OOOOH .. isn't this cute, can't wait to see it on my little Mindy on Sunday ...."

That's why they had to invent the lock-down in those stores when a child goes missing ... the child sees its mother at the hat bin and runs ....

SKIN: CandyDoll
LASHES: Wasabi Pills
HAIR: Fab-U-Lous
DRESS: La Maison Kaestner
SHOES: Baiastice
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