Sunday, June 13, 2010

On being a Beached COW. An Australian Story of Survival.

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I was thrilled to find out that in Australia they wear Swimming Cozzies (Swimming Costumes) and I purchased several to move here.

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I had the french maid cozzy, the nun cozzy, the really cool pink cow cozzy, a ducky cozzy and a witch and a really scary old man cozzy .,...I was so excited to go to the beach that first day .. all dressed up... ready to merge with the culture .... pull the new homeland to my bosom etc .....

We pulled up (my hubby and I) to the beach, and I am like,

WTF
What??
They all have swimming suits on?
And???
Normal F**king swimming suits!!! Where are the cozzies?
Those ARE Swimming Cozzies.
THOSE are Swimming Cozzies???
Ya.
Ya? YA? FREAKIN' YA? I am dressed like a pinky Fuzzy cow .. with UDDERS!!! You didn't think to TELL me that this was NOT the kind of "COZZIE" you meant?
Ummm can I get you a nice glass of milk mabe ... with some umm ....Valium? Maybe the tranquilizor gun?
What, you put cows down in this country?

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He had a hard time answering on account of the udders stuffed up his nose ....

And I stripped down to the cow bikini that held the udders in place and scared the shit out of the Aussies on the beach who had no idea that white could be so ... bluish .. and one lady threw a blanket over me she said I made her kids blind with the sun bouncing off me like that ....

Just wondering ... know anyone who wants a nurse costume?

SKIN: Exodi
HAIR: Shag hair
LASHES: TSM
BRACELET: Kraftika
OUTFIT: Riviera Couture
SHOES: YS & YS
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