Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Stealing Beauty.


I watched the movie hoping that it would give me some cool tips.  I like those shows that are meant to be social commentaries on things that rather than deterring anyone, give you some cool ideas you had never thought of before and more information about how to do it than you ever dreamed possible.  I figured I would learn where they had all the beauty stock piled and maybe some tips on how to steal it ....


I sat in front of the tv in my cat burgler suit and was so disappointed.  My life of crime was over before it even began.  There was nothing in the movie about where beauty is stockpiled or how to steal it.  Liar Liar pants on fire ....I was an accomplice once .. unknowingly .. but I was.  I had a girlfriend who stole a whole bunch of things and when we got nabbed on the way out of the store I about died when they pulled all this stuff out of her bag.  I was hysterical - I had done nothing.  I was saying how my grandparents were going to take me out behind the barn and put me down like they did all the useless farm animals ...

Meanwhile my ex-girlfriend ( I decided to divorce her but had not sent out the formal announcement to her yet) was cool as can be and she actually asked if they could tell her how they caught her.  WHAT??? Ya, she tells them WE were on a school assignment and getting research on shoplifting and she needed to know for her paper .. this was the only reason WE had shoplifted.  WE were both banned from the store and told not to come there again,  I am still afraid to go back to that store.  They have my picture I am sure and hand it out to every employee and because I look exactly like I did when I was 15 .. I know they will be gunning for me.  They shoot shoplifters you know.  Even friends of shoplifters .. you shoplift .. they shoot and ask questions later.


In Australia you must agree to be searched when you leave the stores.  They have huge signs up that say it nicely but basically ... "Shop here .. strip here .... bend over."   So they go through all your bags and stuff when you leave.  As a Canadian we sue people for doing that without a good reason.   Doctors are not even allowed to look in our ears without proper introductions, dating us, taking us for dinner and sending a couple of hallmark cards. If someone ran naked through the streets in Canada we would all look away politely.  We are Mr and Mrs Polite.  We ask for permission to breathe ... hence all the dead Canadians on the side of the road who forgot to ask ....So to have someone say "show us your purse"  and then look through it .. well .. I felt violated.  Now I am used to it.  I like to hide special surprises in my purse now for the nazi purse raw liver, sex toys, dirty underwear, small rodents, etc .... Sometimes I like to try and sneak out of the store without them seeing me or make a run for it but who knew the elderly could run so damn fast??

I have no idea what this post is really about .. if you do .. please write to me and tell me .. I would really appreciate it ..

SKIN:  Dreams and Mango, Mango
LASHES:  Silhouette
EYES:  PeppermintBlue
BODY SUIT AND SKIRT:  Dreams and Mango, Mango
SHOES:  Duh!
EARRINGS:  Gems and Kisses
POSE:   EverGlow
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