Thursday, January 27, 2011

Why I Am Pretty Sure I Am Not Dead.


The other day I was standing in a crowd of people when a woman, probably not any older than I am, just dropped. It was really scary. Thank heavens paramedics were there and she soon recovered and went on her way but it made me think .. What if that was actually me who dropped and I was dead and just in denial?


I mean it is possible right? They make movies about this kind of thing all the time … you know, the ones where you are eating your popcorn and everything seems interesting and suddenly nothing makes sense and the man in the row in front of you keeps asking "What happened?" or saying, "I don't understand." and the darkness of the theatre sucks his words and throws them into space where there is a better chance of aliens hearing them and getting back to him than anyone else in the theatre .. not just because we are all rude but because while we hate him for speaking, all of us are screaming the exact same question in our own heads.

Except that confusion tends to be better felt when everyone else is quiet and you can just totally bathe in the waters of confusion .. like get naked, wade in and put your head under. People speaking just interrupts that.

But those movies ....and then the story goes on and you don't pee - cause you are a woman and you can hold it  - and your hand is sore from holding that kernel of popcorn for so long between the bucket and your mouth and suddenly everyone realizes - the person is actually dead .. and FINALLY everything makes sense - except to the person who is dead and doesn't know it on account of the way movies work .. she is always the last to know.

I mean if you could be wrong about being dead .. you might also forget that you were in a movie right? And so that is what I was really scared of, so when I came home and was in the car and so quiet, hubby asked what was wrong …

"ok, I have to ask you something, and you have to promise, no matter how hard, you will tell me the truth k?"

He nodded.

Am I really Angelina Jolie?

I waited for him to drive back up out of the ditch.

"I mean I look at you and say .. No way you are Brad Pitt and we obviously have sent the children out with the maid, but then I think, wait if I don't even know I am Angie .. I might not know that you are Brad either and then of course I would not know I am dead."

He struggled for words .. And then … with all the calm and reassurance and love of a man who knows his mind, who knows the world, who knows how to take care of a woman …. he patted my hand and said.

"You are not dead."


I let a tear slide down my face. As we made lunch I felt like life was good and the day was full of miracles … in fact, as I played with my cheese sandwich I could have sworn I saw the face of Jesus in the little bits of cheese and bread and I would have taken a picture to send into the Vatican but I was too hungry.  Finding out you are not dead makes you incredibly hungry.

Life has so many possibilities … like maybe I am not dead .. but I could still be Angelina Jolie.

SKIN: AL Vulo!
LASHES: Amacci
HAIR: Truth
EARRINGS: Hair & Hair
SHOES: Aoharu
POSES: TeaSoup
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