Sunday, July 31, 2011

Dolls I Have Known and Detested.


I had a doll for about 5 minutes growing up.


She was huge - almost as big as me. I think my grandparents were trying to buy me friends. Normally these were Walky Talky Dolls (ya some big Uni Grads came up with THAT name) but my grandparents, ever on the search for a bargain went with a Walky doll and skipped the Talky. Evidently you were supposed to hold her hand and she walked along with you ... ya right .. like you held her arm and kicked at her feet - they kinda moved and you could drag her along. I guess I should be grateful she didn't scream or make any sounds.

Like WTF - they got me a handicapped doll and told me to make it walk. How sick is that?

So then I thought, "to hell with this," and tried to pretend she was a baby doll which is what I wanted anyway, but the doll that walks with you was inflexible through the rest of her body and stuffing her into a baby carriage meant you either stuffed her in and had hands and legs sticking straight up like a dead cow or you had to lay her sideways across the top and then every time you went through the doors and stuff she got knocked off ... again thank heavens she did not scream or make sounds.

And the baby clothes only half fit on her so I had this sort of Baby Louey look going on and I know I saw some of the other girls baby dolls snickering at her. I had to tape her diapers on cause they didn't meet at the side and I shaved her hair off cause no-one's baby is born with long blonde curls. I am all about realism ... except when I cut her hair I accidentally cut a hole in her head ... thank heavens she couldn't scream or make any sounds.


In the end I was so disillusioned that I thought to hell with this I will just wait until I have my own kids to get a baby to play with (what??? That is why you have babies for .... right?)

And oh ya ... I eventually used the doll to whack my brother with after he stole my diary and showed it to my grandparents ... those legs came in handy as weapons of choice ...

.. now he DID scream and made lots of noise ....

SKIN: eStyle
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
OUTFIT: Eklektik Twist
BOOTS: Mentine
TATTOO: Soleil

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Voila a Hat!


I don't exactly remember when I discovered the magic of hats.


Of course it is a miracle that any child in Canada grows up to discover any magic in hats at all. I mean it takes awhile just to understand that everyone in the world does not have hair that looks like you just stuck your finger in a light bulb. You see there is that magical moment when they rip the heavy knitted toque off your head and the static electricity spreads each individual hair strand skyward. Never mind the fact it is so dry that your face is sucked inward as it tries to get every last drop of moisture in your mouth and that your dry skin flakes as you walk leaving a trail for someone to follow. It would be great if you were ever lost except ...

otb4 falls on the white snow and the skin itself is so white that you'd never even notice it. So ya, getting over THAT hat trauma to discover the magic of fashion hats is amazing ... that and hair gel .. I always have trouble deciding which is my favourite.

SKIN: Birth
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
OUTFIT: Tres Beau
SHOES: LeLutka
POSES: Dare and MrS

Friday, July 29, 2011

Twitty Tats.


Remember the girl in Jr. High who always was finding a way to make everything about themselves. The teacher would ask "Is anyone else cold?" And she would say, "No, actually my designer sweater that my mother brought back for me from Paris is made from virgin sheep's wool knitted by virgins locked in a monastery who only eat non bleached rice and berries and they warm the wool by the fire before they knit and then pray over it so that it might not let in any cold for the chosen and wonderful people who can afford $30,000 to buy the sweater and support their efforts to remain completely untouched by the world ..... so I am completely toasty warm!"

Or she would suddenly announce in the middle of a school conference on the environment where delegates from schools all over the country have come together that she may be late for tomorrows session because ...

"I am just sooo busy working on my feature assignment for the school paper on how to eat bologne. You know I am the first person ever to be asked to speak to bologne and I have studied this subject so completely and they said, you know when it comes to bologne, we like you best and we would be so honoured, no ... we would be forever in your debt if you would write a piece on the cafeteria, bologne and your experience because we know that bologne is the real cause of environmental issues and you are the expert and well ... you complete us! I am so honoured to be asked by them and yes ... I may be late."

"Um swell Mandy... ya .. ok ... now back to saving the whales ...."

And then every time that there was silence for a moment or someone said something nice about someone else she would pipe up ... "Boy, am I exhausted, all this bologne work is tough going, YIKES, I am going to be up late tonight, let me tell you."

Or she would go on and on about the fact she scored 10 points at the last game and is now at the top of the list for scorers for the league.

"Um Mandy ... we there are 18 other girls tied with 10 points ... that was only the first game for the league, and you are first because your name is alphabetically first "Aasilin, Mandy."

If someone else was an elephant trainer, she trained elephants once and was the best ever and the elephants still talk about she could have easily been queen of the jungle, she was that good.


I think I know what happened to her .... and all the others we all went to school with just like her ....


They ended up on twitter ... and every subject is about them! And they share where they are, what they are doing now, what they are eating and the fact they got mail today and no-one else on their block got a single flyer. They pretend that they grew up and have important lives and do important things and that we are all dying to know the details ....

Only don't despair. There have been advances .. on the playground it was frowned upon ... trying to delete someone ... but here in 2011 .. Mute AND Delete!! Oh and drugs ... lots and lots of nifty drugs that help you make it through the night ...

SKIN: Skintimate
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
JEWELLERY: Ticky Tacky
SHOES: Baby Monkey

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Purple People Eaters.


Another fine example of parental induced trauma that should be explained ...


They run around talking about this monster with one horn and singing so that it is completely implanted in our innocent little brains all about a purple people eater monster and how we are all going to die .... (I may have made that bit up I forget some of the words) and then wonder why we grow up terrified of the colour purple.

See the conspiracy here?? COME ON PEOPLE. *hand clapping my words now* Oprah Winfrey ....The Colour Purple ... subliminal messages????? Not to mention OLD people, fascination with purple everything ...... including their hair?

Wasn't one of the telletubbies purple? AND Barney?????

And what are the colours of EASTER?????

Ok then ... you see it??? No wonder I hate chocolate and am terrified of chickens and bunnies. These people are serious as a heart attack. I am sooo tinfoiling with extra heavy duty tinfoil today.


Don't tell me this doesn't make any sense to you because that is the whole point of the purple people eater conspiracy. You just go tinfoil your head and see if you don't immediately feel safer!!

SKIN: Cupcakes
HAIR: Vanity
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
DRESS: My Precious

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

To Sun or Not to Sun - Oh Hell What Does It Matter? Either Way We Are Going to Die.


It is so hard to know what to do anymore when you go outside.


They tell us GO OUT in the sun because we are almost all suffering from Vitamin D deficiency. If we don't get more Vitamin D we might die. So I tell that to my teachers and hand them the note from mom saying "Please excuse Bliss from her Math Test today, she will be at the beach, as the doctors have said this is necessary or she may die from Vitamin D deficiency." Talk about being anti pro activity … those teachers have a lot to answer for and the cruel irony of the big red "D" you scrawled across my test paper is NOT lost on me buddy … when I die, they will know to come looking for you. I have the whole thing documented, have made a video with sad music and it is going VIRAL!!! Then we will see who is laughing!

And then they say DON'T go out in the sun cause you will get skin cancer and die. And I am like which freaking death is it? Too much sun, not enough sun … what about mushrooms they live in shit and no sun and they are like not dead … they ARE nearly as white as I am .. but not dead!! I tried handing my friends at the beach the note from my mom that said, "Please excuse Bliss and her pasty whiteness but she has had to stay indoors so she doesn't die from skin cancer, she will not be able to play beach volleyball with you today," and I just ended up eating sand.

So now I am sitting here so greased up that they are concerned about the oil spill, with a big hat, every inch of my skin covered, sunglasses, popping vitamin D and wondering what it is about me exactly that men do not find attractive …


Am I the only one who doesn't get why we have to look ugly so that we look better later on? Like if you are beautiful in a forest and all alone … does anyone really care? "Old reclusive cat woman dies at the age of 123. She never married, never had a friend, but damn she is preserved well. Open Casket for this one folks!!"

SKIN: Dutch Touch
HAIR: Fashionably Dead
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
SHOES: PixelMode

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

My Precious Memories Summer Edition 2011.

My Precious Memories Book

This is absolutely beautiful and you will definitely want to check it out. Agnes Finney has taken her eye for the beautiful into a publication worthy of her designs. You can see it here, online, and don't forget to vote for it while you are there!!

Creeping Age.


They say Old Age Creeps Up on You.


Which is probably where the word "creep" comes from because creeping old age is just out right creepy. Like how come it couldn't be a saying like "A million dollars creeps up on you." Or, "the perfect husband creeps up on you."

See our parents had such power to impact our lives for good. They could have said anything that would have meant that all those kids that got called "Creep" in school would have good self esteem. Instead they give us old age and all the negativity that comes with that and forever branded older people as creepy .. which they are when they are .... naked and minus their false teeth.


And while we are at it .. how come wrinkled and new is "aw what a cute baby," while wrinkled and old is "YOU take grandpa his teeth, I did it yesterday?"

Surely we could lie to old people too???

SKIN: Lara
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
OUTFIT: House of Fox
SHOES: Nardcotix
POSES: MyAnimation

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sailing the Prairie Seas.

seaside 1

I remember playing sailor in the bathtub with my brother and we had these little boats and he always insisted he was the Captain ...

seaside 2

As we got older and played sailors on the creek below the house, we used a homemade raft or an old row boat Aardvark brought home from a sale once. Sadly, THAT boat met with an unfortunate accident when the Prairie Life Guards (world renowned for their fresh water rescues amidst the wheat fields) had to make a tough choice between saving the boat or my brother. I really advocated for the boat because it seemed simple to me .. save the boat save the captain ....

seaside 3

I told my brother that ALWAYS playing captain came with some awesome responsibilities that I was not sure he was prepared to meet. I also talked to him about potential mutinies, being lost at sea, cannibalism on shipwrecked islands ... all while I was sinking the boat and he was tied up on the floor with the name tag "captain" straight pinned into his chest ....

He got off pretty easy but learned an important life lesson about the sea, the way of the prairies, leadership ... and his sister ....

That's what growing up on the prairies is really all about ...

HAIR: 69
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Amacci
OUTFIT: Reasonable Desires
SHOES: Seldom Blue

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Little Miss Muffet Should Have Never Been Tuffet Sitting.


You can Run Missy ... but there is nowhere to hide!! It is a conspiracy of spider people .. probably the parents of SpiderMan!


My grandparents tried to suck me in but I was all over it immediately.

"What is a tuffet?"

"Well ..."

"Come on, spit it out, I am 3 you know .. I can handle it...stop treating me like I am 1 ok ... tell me, or I will go out to the barn and find some unsavoury hired man to tell me .. do you want me getting my tuffet info from someone like that?"

"Well .. it is a type of footstool I suppose."

"Ok .. and curds and whey ... cottage cheese??"


"Ok so Missy sits on a foot stool, presumably because it is low to the ground and she would not be able to jump up quite so easily, and she is eating some cottage cheese which obviously is spider bait and the main reason why I am never eating it again and if you try to slip it to me I will scream so loud and tell everyone that you are trying to kill me and if you doubt me let me just say the terrible twos will seem like a cake walk compared to my cottage cheese tantrum ....and this being a life lesson tied up in a fairy tale I am presuming the spider gave chase, caught her, tied her up in a net and sucked her brains out...that is the part they didn't tell because you want to leave some stuff to scare the heck out of me for my teens right?"

"ummm ...I think it is bedtime now, you are probably a little old for bed time stories ..."


I have been hyper vigilant regarding tuffets and cottage cheese ever since. Those diet places, and hospital cafeterias, and spas ... you know where they serve cottage cheese ... all gateways into spider cults ... where they wrap you in webbing and a giant spider sucks your brains out. This is what growing up is all about .. being able to learn the life lessons hidden within the fairy tales and nursery rhymes and never ever doing stupid things like taking a basket of goodies to grandmother's house through the woods, OR going up a hill to fetch water.

Just say NO to cottage cheese!

SKIN: Filthy
HAIR: Catwa
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
SHOES: Baby Monkey
POSES: Risk City

Saturday, July 23, 2011


Birth Abi 3

Birth is the ultimate beginning. I do remember every detail of my own ...

Birth Abi 2

I was born at a very early age. I was born in either a hospital or a bakery .. it was hard to know for sure, but I know everyone was dressed in white and one of them definitely looked like the Pillsbury Dough Boy ... except with more hair, a face mask and a grumpier disposition. I did not see George Clooney anywhere so I am accepting the "hospital" listed on my birth certificate because everyone knows government documents never lie.

I was disappointed that my mother had not done her hair, put a little make-up on or something to celebrate my arrival ... I was also disappointed there were no balloons, cake or clowns ...

I don't think newborns should have to face disappointment so early in their life. It really depressed me .. so much so that I just slept away the first few months of my life ... I didn't care what was on television, wasn't interested in eating or even in hanging out with my friends ... (it is not that I had any friends but if I did, I would not have wanted to hang ...)

Birth Abi 1

Ya I was 2 when I finally moved into the anger phase ... I am hoping by 80 I might make it to acceptance ...


Friday, July 22, 2011

Wedding Costumes.


I caught a commercial the other day for a wedding show. The guests were seated in a beautiful outdoor garden setting and the when it came time for the rings, a half naked man climbed out from the rocks and slithered to the front hissing .. GOLLUM!!


OMG I missed out again .. I would have so incorporated costumes into my wedding had I known that was allowed. But what with all those shotguns and grumpy faces ... it was hard to let my creative self out .. you know? Just think of the fun?

I could do Snow White with the Ugly Stepmother ... or Lion King and I know who could be the "wildebeast!!" Loin cloths for all the good looking guys ... Or The Wizard of OZ and keep you know who behind the curtain OR better yet .. in Kansas!!!

And then I saw a commercial for the Gypsy weddings ... again .. OMG .. I feel so ... minimized ... so contained .. I wanna do it over again ....I have sooo many ideas now ...Where are THOSE wedding books on the news stands???

It doesn't even have to be MY wedding, I could have done more at my children's weddings to humiliate them .. I know I'll be a Wedding Planner!!!


Our lives were not nearly influenced enough by Television growing up ... I feel sooo cheated.

SKIN: Birth
HAIR: Diorsis
JEWELLERY: KessKreations
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
DRESS: My Precious
POSES: MyAnimation

Thursday, July 21, 2011

"I Don't Know," is Sometimes the Best Answer.


He is persistent.


"Can I see your tonsils?"


"Why Not, You can look at mine, mommy says we should share." And he opens his mouth so wide and grabs my face in his hands to position it just right to catch the light gleaming off his pink tonsils dancing in the back of his throat.

I smile and pry his hands off my face. "I don't have any."

"How come."

The Doctor took them out when I was a little girl.

"How come. Were you being bad? Mommy takes away my fighting me sometimes when I don't play nicely with them..."

"They made me sick."

"How come?"

"Well they were broken, kind of, they weren't working."

"YOU BROKE your tonsils??" His mind struggled to comprehend me in light of this new information that suggested I was possibly NOT a heavenly all-perfect being.

Ya, sort of I guess ... I think your mommy is calling you.

Did it hurt? When you broke them? Do you miss them? Why didn't you buy new ones? How much do they cost? Was your mommy mad? What ARE tonsils? How come we have them?


And then the little hand is there patting your arm and blue eyes looking at you with the same concern he had for the little bird with the broken wing and you realize no-one ever grieved for those damn tonsils before. They lied to you, and handed you a stuffed toy and Popsicle like that was supposed to make it all up and what the heck do tonsils do anyway and some things are better left unanswered ....

We sat there in the silence, the tonsil amputee and the perfect child. And then the moment passed.

"Wanna come watch me spit?"


SKIN: Redgrave
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
PURSE: Les Petit Details
BELT: HS (no longer available)
SHOES: NX-Nardcotix

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Rock Bottom.


You know how it goes, all the kids want stereos at some point and they get them .. cause you are a swell parent and you want them to be happy and you didn't really need that operation anyway .. you have another kidney that is perfectly fine ...


And then they move out and they take the stereos with them because they packed that before they did their clean underwear and eventually despite having 18 stereos ... all blaring .. all playing songs that if played backwards would profess to own your soul and your mind and would confirm the Elvis is indeed alive, that Michael Jackson is sending messages from beyond the grave, and that there are 23 known poisons in Skippy Peanut Butter ... there is not much left to play Simon and Garfunkel on.

So you pull out the best Fisher Price offering and find that if you balance a couple rocks on exactly the right place on the lid, it will stay down and it will play the cd although not in order and only a couple songs before you have to rearrange the rocks and spend more time praying and burning incense to the My Little Pony God.

And then you have this moment of clarity where you see yourself, an adult woman sitting at your computer, a lime green Fisher Price Stereo with rocks propped on the lid - one for clearing the bad energy from the room and the other for increased intellectual awareness that is obviously a dud rock on account of it hasn't worked so far ... and you realize how pathetic it is.

So you call the kids who can't hear you at first cause their 10,000 dollar stereos are on and in addition to not needing rocks, they are playing one of 800 cds they have loaded AND it is cooking them dinner and turning down their beds for later ... and you state your case ... you have never asked for anything but you know what .. this mothers day .. they could all go in together and buy you a nice stereo .. nothing too fancy just something where you can push play ... and it does rocks required.


And that is when your kids tell you that they really are broke right now what with the trip to the Bahamas and the new car and all BUT they will check the kids rooms and see if they have an old stereo that might work for you and then they come over and present you with a bright pink Barbie Stereo that skips a bit but is just fine otherwise. They are all smiling and so happy. So you let them put on a cd to try it out and suddenly Simon and Garfunkel are singing "I am a rock ..." and you hold your precious rocks to your bosom and realize ... you really are from the rock ages ...

SKIN: Just Me
HAIR: Nylon Outfitters
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
DRESS: Entre Mares

Divine Perfection.


Divine Perfection. New Store. New Skins. Worth a Look. I love new - it reminds us that we are all alive and still growing. Sometimes the distance between new beginnings and great depends on open minds, and a welcoming hello. THAT is something all of us can do.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Rain Barrels and Apple Trees and Senior Citizens.


My grandmother taught me some powerful lessons. Like one time when I went to her with my Barbie in hand, crying cause Biffy would not play Barbies with me anymore, on account of he said his Barbies were better than mine (and they were but that was not the point) and he didn't like me anymore. I felt like me and my Barbie were never going to measure up in a world of Perfect Barbies ...


She looked at me and sang me this powerful little song ...

"I don't want to play in your yard,
I don't like you anymore
You'll be sorry when you see me sliding down my cellar door
You can't holler down my rain barrel
You can't climb my apple tree
I don't want to play in your yard
If you won't be nice to me..."

And when she was done I just stood looking at her nodding and understanding ...well after I got over the sensation of WTF - NOT another freaking song .. doesn't she realize how serious this is? What is with it old people and songs about ..... everything??? MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME!!!

After THAT Moment I stood looking at her nodding and understanding. My grandmothers life flashed before my eyes. Perspective graced me like the warm sun permeating the living room through the heavy gold velvet curtains worthy of the shrine that 2 lazyboys and a hard as rock deep floral green couch set deserved. I saw how foolish I had been .. how insensitive. Rain barrels - stinky and moldy ... cellar doors and children with slivers in their asses flashed before my eyes .. my grandmother wandering her yard all alone with no-one but an old apple tree .... and I teared up and handed my grandmother my Barbie ....


....and got the hell out of there....

SKIN: Exodi
HAIR: Elikatira
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
JEWELLERY: Donna Flora
DRESS: SAS (just one choice of many offered shown)

Monday, July 18, 2011



You know that point in your life when you basically have to hunt for quarters before you go shopping and that is limited to which milk is the cheapest and where have they hidden the day old bread now?

And your yard was like a postage stamp or dirt with some scattered rocks and the kiddie pool had holes in it but it would kinda work if someone blew more air into it every few minutes ....


And you prayed that no-one saw you using the hose being as there were water restrictions and all and the last time you had a bathing suit was some 10 years earlier and now swimming was basically mostly done in a porcelain fixture in a room that also housed the toilet, a sink and lots and lots of fisher price bath toys. AND even those moments were stolen - usually in the middle of the night when you sacrificed another decadent luxury for the privilege .. sleep ...

You had two choices ... nude or with your clothes and being as you could not afford to get arrested and your neighbour hates you and would love to call the police .. again. So you climb in with your clothes and try to close your eyes for two seconds and are so disappointed the heat from your body changes the water into a sauna in no time and the side of the pool begins to sag and the water runs out and you sit there and cry a little bit because you are hot and tired and hungry and one of the children has woken from their nap and screaming for you. The moment has come and gone. Like your life seems to have...


That's when you are most grateful to be able to turn on the television and see Miranda Kerr talking about being a new mom and the hardships of balancing a modeling career, a new baby and a movie star husband like Orlando Bloom. You see her in designer clothes, being chauffeured around and the nanny taking the baby so she can go to her personal trainer and lunch with her agent before going to get her hair and nails done for the week. It is such a reality check. That's when you look at your own life and are so grateful you don't have HER problems.

SKIN: Exodi
HAIR: Amacci
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
FEET: SE Designz
POSES: Quinert (no longer available)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Real Life and Tape.


Like, how annoying is it to go out in an outfit like this in RL all taped up so you don't drop out?


And then that big romantic moment comes and you have to excuse yourself, stuff toilet paper in your mouth to stifle the screams when you rip the tape off, try to get the glue residue off your breasts in a public washroom, ice the red marks, walk back out and get into the car praying neither one of them fall out on the way and then insist that the lights be turned off while you play tonsil hockey so that he does not see the marks.

It is even more embarrassing the next morning when you wake up together and there are bits of fluff and other things stuff stuck to the residual glue marks....

And I don't care that my brother said to me 1 - you have to have breasts to worry about taping anything and 2 - next time DON'T use duct tape.


So that is why I love SL so much .. there is no gravity here. So now I just carry my lap top around with me and show my hubby a pic of me in SL like this one. And ask him to pay no attention to the real me sitting across from him. I promise him I will use my projector when we get home and put the picture up above the bed. I think life is much simpler this way.

SKIN: Red Queen
EYES: Mojo
LASHES: Damned
HAIR: Discord Designs
DRESS: Diram
SHOES: Baiastice
POSES: Just A Pose and On The Cover

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Truth in Advertising.


I think that there should be truth in advertising.


They should have to tell you that in order for that girl to run barefoot across the apple orchard into the arms of her waiting - not missing teeth, not sweaty and dirty, not dressed in mismatched plaid, denim and no-idea-what-the-heck-that-is pattern ...GUY .. her feet are not baby soft delicate little birds that he fondles while they nuzzle amongst the apple blossoms.

Nope ... they are tough as nail, leathered weapons that could sand paper an entire wardrobe into perfection, that could walk across broken glass and smash it into dust, that could walk across hot coals and yawn. The barefoot farm girl is a site to behold mainly because she is unencumbered by the need for shoes or the time it takes to put them on.


OH .. she is also unecumbered by the non missing teeth guy ... and she has the added burden of being almost deaf from the first couple of times she accidentally brushes her foot up against her husband in bed ...

She is also the podiatrists worst nightmare.

SKIN: League
HAIR: Head Mistress
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
JEWELLERY: Addiction
DRESS: Les Petit Details