Monday, August 1, 2011

Bikes I Have Known and Hated.


I never understood the big deal with bikes.


My brother got "Mike" the bike when he was about 10. Yes, my grandparents actually named it and had it standing there with a name tag on it for his birthday. I sometimes still get tears in my eyes thinking of them lying awake all night discussing names ... her downstairs in her bedroom, him up in his ... tapping through the walls ....

I am sure they tried other rhyming names but nothing rhymes with bicycle so Humpydora would have come up with "BIKE Aardvark, shorten it to bike..." and then allowed him to hone in on "MIKE" .... although he probably first suggested "IKE."

So it was red and he immediately pointed out I would not be able to ride it because it was a boy's bike ... "see the bar?" And then I pointed out me hitting the bar would not hurt nearly as much as it would him BECAUSE he was a boy, and whoever came up with THAT designation for determining the sex of bikes was a sadist.


Then he started crying and holding himself and screamed to my grandparents that I was talking about sex and bikes and that was it .. off behind the barn we went with Mr. Belt and I was left to play with the horses who at least don't have stupid names like "Mike."

I never got a bike - I think because they could not come up with a girls name to rhyme with bike. AND because in those days everyone was still holding their eyes closed really tightly and pretending there was no such thing as sex. Hence Ken was always penisless. So he could ride a boy's bike and not hurt himself.

SKIN: Divine Perfection
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
PURSE: Stitch by Stitch
DRESS: aDiva
SHOES: Alegria
POSES: Izumiya
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