Sunday, July 24, 2011

Little Miss Muffet Should Have Never Been Tuffet Sitting.


You can Run Missy ... but there is nowhere to hide!! It is a conspiracy of spider people .. probably the parents of SpiderMan!


My grandparents tried to suck me in but I was all over it immediately.

"What is a tuffet?"

"Well ..."

"Come on, spit it out, I am 3 you know .. I can handle it...stop treating me like I am 1 ok ... tell me, or I will go out to the barn and find some unsavoury hired man to tell me .. do you want me getting my tuffet info from someone like that?"

"Well .. it is a type of footstool I suppose."

"Ok .. and curds and whey ... cottage cheese??"


"Ok so Missy sits on a foot stool, presumably because it is low to the ground and she would not be able to jump up quite so easily, and she is eating some cottage cheese which obviously is spider bait and the main reason why I am never eating it again and if you try to slip it to me I will scream so loud and tell everyone that you are trying to kill me and if you doubt me let me just say the terrible twos will seem like a cake walk compared to my cottage cheese tantrum ....and this being a life lesson tied up in a fairy tale I am presuming the spider gave chase, caught her, tied her up in a net and sucked her brains out...that is the part they didn't tell because you want to leave some stuff to scare the heck out of me for my teens right?"

"ummm ...I think it is bedtime now, you are probably a little old for bed time stories ..."


I have been hyper vigilant regarding tuffets and cottage cheese ever since. Those diet places, and hospital cafeterias, and spas ... you know where they serve cottage cheese ... all gateways into spider cults ... where they wrap you in webbing and a giant spider sucks your brains out. This is what growing up is all about .. being able to learn the life lessons hidden within the fairy tales and nursery rhymes and never ever doing stupid things like taking a basket of goodies to grandmother's house through the woods, OR going up a hill to fetch water.

Just say NO to cottage cheese!

SKIN: Filthy
HAIR: Catwa
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
SHOES: Baby Monkey
POSES: Risk City
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