Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Rock Bottom.


You know how it goes, all the kids want stereos at some point and they get them .. cause you are a swell parent and you want them to be happy and you didn't really need that operation anyway .. you have another kidney that is perfectly fine ...


And then they move out and they take the stereos with them because they packed that before they did their clean underwear and eventually despite having 18 stereos ... all blaring .. all playing songs that if played backwards would profess to own your soul and your mind and would confirm the Elvis is indeed alive, that Michael Jackson is sending messages from beyond the grave, and that there are 23 known poisons in Skippy Peanut Butter ... there is not much left to play Simon and Garfunkel on.

So you pull out the best Fisher Price offering and find that if you balance a couple rocks on exactly the right place on the lid, it will stay down and it will play the cd although not in order and only a couple songs before you have to rearrange the rocks and spend more time praying and burning incense to the My Little Pony God.

And then you have this moment of clarity where you see yourself, an adult woman sitting at your computer, a lime green Fisher Price Stereo with rocks propped on the lid - one for clearing the bad energy from the room and the other for increased intellectual awareness that is obviously a dud rock on account of it hasn't worked so far ... and you realize how pathetic it is.

So you call the kids who can't hear you at first cause their 10,000 dollar stereos are on and in addition to not needing rocks, they are playing one of 800 cds they have loaded AND it is cooking them dinner and turning down their beds for later ... and you state your case ... you have never asked for anything but you know what .. this mothers day .. they could all go in together and buy you a nice stereo .. nothing too fancy just something where you can push play ... and it does rocks required.


And that is when your kids tell you that they really are broke right now what with the trip to the Bahamas and the new car and all BUT they will check the kids rooms and see if they have an old stereo that might work for you and then they come over and present you with a bright pink Barbie Stereo that skips a bit but is just fine otherwise. They are all smiling and so happy. So you let them put on a cd to try it out and suddenly Simon and Garfunkel are singing "I am a rock ..." and you hold your precious rocks to your bosom and realize ... you really are from the rock ages ...

SKIN: Just Me
HAIR: Nylon Outfitters
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
DRESS: Entre Mares
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