Thursday, July 14, 2011

Taking Sex Ed to the Great Outdoors.


Picnics are like camping for me .. without the tent ... I can only think of one response .. WHY?


You know when you are hiking and you have to pull out a sandwich and eat it outdoors on the run .. I am all over that. When you barbeque or have a dinner party and you eat outside on the patio or around the pool .. am all over that.

I get having a weiner roast, I even get strawberry socials on the front lawn and church pot lucks under the trees with long tables. What I don't get is taking a bunch of food, laying it out on a blanket, sitting uncomfortably while mosquitos or flies or wasps or dogs or sand or children or birds or other people who are picnicking attack you. (or any combo of the above)

It's like "...come one honey lets be masochists again and eat salad in the park. Remember how much fun it was picking flies out of the wine? And that fun trip we had to the emergency ward afterwards on account of your back was out and oh ya .. the dog bite?"


People are brainwashed .. they see the great photos - all romantic and they think "ohhhh, a picnic in the park..." but that is one frame of a whole afternoon and they don't show you the others where the ants took over and the people now look like they did in high school except the "blemishes" are oozing all over their body and their nether regions and they are a lot fatter on account of the swelling.

And forget the romantic stuff .. like what, you are going to go at in the park while the bugs eat you, the children and dogs watch and the bears come for the left over sandwiches? Ya that happens ALL the time .. romance in the great outdoors. It is like sex on a beach in the water .... try it ...sand is an amazing thing and probably the greatest form of birth control known to man ..

Which is why I always said to my teens when they were dating .. why don't you spend a day at the beach, and here take a picnic lunch ...

SKIN: Filthy
HAIR: Truth
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Damned
DRESS: Vita's Boudoir
BENCH: Zoe's Garden
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