Friday, July 29, 2011

Twitty Tats.


Remember the girl in Jr. High who always was finding a way to make everything about themselves. The teacher would ask "Is anyone else cold?" And she would say, "No, actually my designer sweater that my mother brought back for me from Paris is made from virgin sheep's wool knitted by virgins locked in a monastery who only eat non bleached rice and berries and they warm the wool by the fire before they knit and then pray over it so that it might not let in any cold for the chosen and wonderful people who can afford $30,000 to buy the sweater and support their efforts to remain completely untouched by the world ..... so I am completely toasty warm!"

Or she would suddenly announce in the middle of a school conference on the environment where delegates from schools all over the country have come together that she may be late for tomorrows session because ...

"I am just sooo busy working on my feature assignment for the school paper on how to eat bologne. You know I am the first person ever to be asked to speak to bologne and I have studied this subject so completely and they said, you know when it comes to bologne, we like you best and we would be so honoured, no ... we would be forever in your debt if you would write a piece on the cafeteria, bologne and your experience because we know that bologne is the real cause of environmental issues and you are the expert and well ... you complete us! I am so honoured to be asked by them and yes ... I may be late."

"Um swell Mandy... ya .. ok ... now back to saving the whales ...."

And then every time that there was silence for a moment or someone said something nice about someone else she would pipe up ... "Boy, am I exhausted, all this bologne work is tough going, YIKES, I am going to be up late tonight, let me tell you."

Or she would go on and on about the fact she scored 10 points at the last game and is now at the top of the list for scorers for the league.

"Um Mandy ... we there are 18 other girls tied with 10 points ... that was only the first game for the league, and you are first because your name is alphabetically first "Aasilin, Mandy."

If someone else was an elephant trainer, she trained elephants once and was the best ever and the elephants still talk about she could have easily been queen of the jungle, she was that good.


I think I know what happened to her .... and all the others we all went to school with just like her ....


They ended up on twitter ... and every subject is about them! And they share where they are, what they are doing now, what they are eating and the fact they got mail today and no-one else on their block got a single flyer. They pretend that they grew up and have important lives and do important things and that we are all dying to know the details ....

Only don't despair. There have been advances .. on the playground it was frowned upon ... trying to delete someone ... but here in 2011 .. Mute AND Delete!! Oh and drugs ... lots and lots of nifty drugs that help you make it through the night ...

SKIN: Skintimate
LASHES: Damned
EYES: Fashism
JEWELLERY: Ticky Tacky
SHOES: Baby Monkey

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