Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Milk and Cookies and Bikinis.


I went to church as a kid and learned all about how this works. I read the Bible, I sang the songs, coloured the pics of Noah and the Ark, ate linted peppermints from my grandfather's pocket, and learned about prayer and faith and forgiveness.


So every night I prayed for a bikini, on account of wearing the hand me downs from my grandmothers day were embarrassing, a body sock with a skirt. Come on... you cannot tell me anyone ever looked at those and said ... "hey baby ... whoot!!" And if they did .. they lied ...

I prayed and had faith and every time the grandparents went to the store I ran to the bags and visualized there was a bikini in there for me. ( OK I didn't learn THAT part from church - I learned if from the guy down the road who had a ponytail, psychedelic posters and smoked a lot of weed ... I knew about not mixing metaphors but come on I figured mixing religion was only increasing my chances of getting a bikini.)

I prayed every night and every morning and sometimes during math class.

There never was a bikini .. and I cried a lot and watched the other kids swimming while I hid in the car. My grandmother found me one day and asked why I was crying so I told her how I had prayed for a bikini and God never answered my prayers and she explained - as grandmothers do .. with milk and cookies (don't as me how they appeared in a car in the middle of a field next to the "community pool" Grandmas have magical powers you know and everything they do comes with milk and cookies ...) She explained to me that God does not work that way.

I sat up and suddenly understood, it all became clear ...

wod3 I stole the bikini ....

....and asked God for forgiveness instead.

SKIN: Filthy
EYES: Fashism
LASHES: Vita's Boudoir
JEWeLLeRY: Ear Candy
BOOTS: Bax Coen
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