Friday, March 23, 2012

The Fashionista, The Polar Bear, and Canadian History.

I AM CANADIAN 1

People often stop me and ask me about polar bears. They say, "Bliss, you beautiful fashionista you, tell us about the polar bears in Canada?" People have many many questions about the polar bear like,
"why didn't the first settlers talk more about the polar bears in their writings, there just is not that much info on these fascinating Canadian creatures? "

And so I tell them. I explain that early settlers did not have ray bans and so snow blindness was much more prevalent and people thought for years that someone just kept moving around big lumps of snow. They had to have "snow" culls on account of so many people were disappearing into the "big lumps of snow" never to be seen again … so that was one problem. You can't talk about what you can't see ... I think that is written in the Magna Carta or something. Canadians take not talking very seriously.


I AM CANADIAN 3

"Why didn't the early settlers embrace the polar bears more openly like they did the buffalo and John Wayne and hayrides? "

And so I ask them, "Have YOU ever tried to embrace a polar bear? It can be really hard … especially when you are running for your life …"

"Why didn't the early settlers go after them for fur coats instead on mink and beaver? "

And so I tell them, "Mink and beaver do not weigh 50,000 lbs, have big teeth, claws and a blood lust. Except for that one unfortunate accident where the beaver gang grabbed that cat (see hoary marmot - a cross between a beaver and a cat that we also do not talk about) beavers are pretty submissive and they can do tricks with their tails. Polar Bears don't do tail tricks."


"Why the early settlers did not wrangle them instead of cattle and horses?" (if you need a good suspension system to help you with your belief let me know … I can get you a deal …)

"Well, cows do not stalk you for days and then kill you. It was not a difficult choice. " (I usually close my eyes really tight at this point and try to block out the images of all those cute little 4-H farm kids trying to "show" their polar bears at the Calgary Stampede.)


I AM CANADIAN 2

People seem pretty happy with learning more about the polar bear from someone as knowledgeable and attractive as I am.

I am like a National Geographic only glossier.


SKIN: JeSyLiLo Lazy Sunday
LASHES: Glow Avantgarde
EYES: IKON Utopia Eyes - Pale Trojan Blue
JEWELLERY: A&A Gold Posh
OUTFIT: SKYE QI VINTAGE APPAREL Autumn Cape with Fur-Simple Swing Cape
LEGGINGS: [LWL] Opaque Tights (Tulip in Twig)
SHOES: BM Selene Boots Red
POSES: !BANG
Post a Comment