Thursday, May 10, 2012

Turtles, Chocolate, Burglars, Alcohol and War (Not necessarily in that order)


I loved chocolate turtles when I was a kid. I feel sorry for kids in Australia. YES, these two thoughts are related ... sort of ... well they were when I first wrote that ... not as confident about it now...


Kids in Canada have a lot more options ... like you can hide food in your room and never get caught. Kids here in Australia try to hide chocolates and they will have chocolate soup in mere moments. OR you have a massive infestation of bugs .... oh and not just one kind ... LOTS of bugs like chocolate. For them it is like a day at the chocolate beach .... flowing chocolate .... there may be sex involved but I never got that close to figure it out. Some things we all should be protected from - damn you National Geographic.

In Canada you can hang a bottle of alcohol out your bedroom window (saw it in a movie) and keep it both cold and hidden. Don't worry about someone trying to climb up and steal it because Canadians have weapons of mass destruction that we have used for years. If a burglar is trying to break in, you just throw water on them (Can't hose them because the hoses are all frozen) but just a bucket of water works and instant ice sculpture ......frozen in time.

Just don't try to kick the guy then cause you will hurt your foot.

Then we have nice warm jails with lovely lavender baths and someone to tuck them in and sing to them once they thaw. We rehabilitate all our criminals ... lots of tender love that they did not get as a kid and if that doesn't work ... we like to let them out and have another go ... at maiming and killing ... just so we can love them some more when they come back to jail.


So ya ... if we can get anyone interested in attacking us during the winter we can easily defend ourselves, our alcohol and our turtles.

We are really humanitarian like that - us Canadians.

Yes ... in answer to your question ... ALL of this ran through my head just from the picture of the turtle ... and too much melted chocolate and warm alcohol ... I live in Australia now ...and here we just skip the throwing water and get right into the kicking when someone tries to break in.

I am going now ... feel free to hang around and pet the turtles if you like ...

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