Saturday, June 30, 2012

Letting Go.


Growing up can be really tough on both the parents and the child. All those baby steps along the way where you have to finally let go and sometimes, yes, you even have to push a little .. sometimes more firmly .... as in shoving, or using your boot.


You have to be sensitive to how difficult it can be for the child.  We all identify with the tears of mother as she takes her child to school for the first time ... realizing that her child is growing up and away from her.  We are also familiar with how difficult that move can be for the child ... the first day without mom there to reassure, to protect, to kiss the boo-boo's better....

Then there are all kinds of little moments that a mother carries in her heart ... the first time they learned to ride a bike and then rode it out of sight .... the first time they earned their own money .... the first time they drove, dated .... were arrested .... well, you get my drift ....

It seems, through most of those the angst is all the mom's and the child gallops forward into life, wanting to experience it all, even when they have no idea of the dangers involved ...

But you can't judge the world by everyone else's kid ... you can only deal with yours.  Search your heart and do what is right, no matter how painful ....


Which is why I told my child that he just had to learn to go out in public now without the harness on anymore.  People were really starting to look at him funny ...

... now that he is 30 ....

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Friday, June 29, 2012

Embracing the Digital Age.


Evidently embracing the digital age does NOT mean running to your local computer store and hugging the sales people ... not even in Walmart. The police tell me that this is 2012 and everyone should know by now that you are only allowed to be hugged by a skilled professional that you either pay or that is covered under your very expensive private health insurance. If you have not been hugged in a long long time you have no-one else to blame but your own short sightedness. None of us like to think we will ever have the need to be hugged, now that sex is meaningless and no longer requires any love attachment, but responsible adults plan for these unexpected tragedies.


So I started a campaign to try and love my computer more. Each morning, I get a cup of coffee, and I sit down in front of my computer and I have some one on one time where I try to find something nice to say about it, looking for things I love, and things that I think would work well in the real world.

Today as I was working on the computer a little notice popped up to tell me I was using a lot of memory and I should probably shut down and reopen my internet and it hit me!


WOWSER!! (this is a good time, if you are acting out my blog while you read, to get on top of your desk, lift your skirt over your head and scream a lot.)

Imagine if you had an app where you attached electrodes from your cell phone to your head and an alarm would go off and a notice would come up and say "You are using too much memory. Take a nap. Come back in an hour."

Could a cure for Alzheimers be that easy? If we didn't just spend our memories willy nilly - throwing it away on trivial things or using too much at a time and burning it out?


Anyway I thought about it, hugged my computer (I realize I am not a trained professional but no-one was looking and I gave the hug for free and frankly if that makes me a slut ... I don't care) and was grateful that I did not set my bonding technology time to more than a half hour. I think our goals have to be realistic.

Once my alarm went off, I went back to swearing at the computer.

I think it is a defense mechanism to hide the pain that deep down I know the digital age is never going to embrace me.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Luv My Pixels Bella and Allie.

Luv My Pixels Bella

Did you know that the Drivers License People are really grumpy and that they are clearly only let out of the box to stand at the counter and annoy serve their customers? It's true. I took in a picture of Bliss and asked them to issue my drivers license in her name on account of her weight and height is less and more than mine, she is much more beautiful, she has a greater wardrobe, she can fly, AND the ink from those fingerprinting pads does not stain her fingers.

They told me they couldn't do that. I asked them why not and they told me that it wouldn't be "Bliss" driving the car and I asked them who they think drives Bliss if it is not me. No-one else has my password .... they could polygraph me on that. I told them I would carry my lap top with me at all times and make Bliss available for any sobriety tests or questions the police might have AND I was single in SL and free to date any police officers that were interested although it would definitely depend on which penis pack they purchased inworld.

I don't know why they refused and were getting so testy about the whole thing.

Luv My Pixels Allie

I didn't back down. I told them when they read the secrets next week on SCD - they did not have to even give a moments thought about whether the nasty ones were about them. They would be! All of them .... even the ones that seemed to be talking about bloggers.


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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Survivor Packs.


I always saw the nice pics of ladies riding their bikes with flowers or a kitten in their basket but we did not have time for niceties on the prairies.


If we rode a bike anywhere we had to be ready for a blinding snowstorm or duststorm, for bands of marauding cowboys or cows that might take us hostage, for the possibility that we might become hurt, lost, disorientated, or that the world would actually go to hell in a handbasket and accidentally leave us behind ... OR that we might discover NEW land. Hence, our bike baskets had to be filled with our survival gear.

We packed a raw potato to eat (yes all farmers had worms). We had a canteen of warm milk that we could always throw wild saskatoons into once it soured and pretend it was yogurt - except we didn't know about yogurt then - we just called it "sour lumpy milk" - with or without berries. We had wheat seeds - because a farmer is nothing without his wheat and we could start a farm anywhere. We had the latest eidtion of Cow Digest and Super Robo Combines. And of course we had several pieces of flannel plaid that once planted, multiplied and grew and would allow us to be both clothed and quilt. Some people actually think that they called the prairies a "quilt" because up in the air when you look down all the different fields look like a giant quilt with the various crops but if you landed the plane you would find a lot of really old kids, lost with rusted bikes, with fields of flannel. They would be making quilts and itching a lot (because of the worms).

Once I tried to put a dolly in my basket - because I was just a little girl, only about 3 .... and besides I liked to see my brother cry when I took his doll.  My grandparents picked it up and asked me if I thought I could eat a doll?  If I had considered that planted dolls just play dead or that having a doll could make me an easy target for those marauding cowboys ... on account of they like dolls too and everyone knows a doll slows you down. 

I was so ashamed.  I punched my brother twice and then buried the doll.  (They really do play dead.)


I know people like to wax romantic about the prairie farmer and his stud muffinly ways but I am here to expose the raw truth. I am kind of like wikileaks but I have no idea what a wiki is ... I just know I am leaking all over the place ....

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Monday, June 25, 2012



Rompers fascinated me as a kid. It may be because there was this kids show called 'Romper Room" where they had some guy dressed in a bee suit - he was "Mr. Do-Bee" and he told you all the things that good boys and girls were supposed to do. Only he didn't talk - Miss Sherry, the host talked. And then the bee would buzz around and all the kids would do it too. I guess we were learning about puppet leaders even back then as toddlers ....clearly a lot of people missed the point of the show and probably pride themselves that they don't slurp their milk when they drink it - all the while electing dubious politicians with hidden agendas ....

And then after that I think the bee went off to die cause it was a guy bee and drones -pffft ... expendable. I think they brought in a new sucker each day and no-one could tell cause those drones all look the same to most people.


Anyway Miss Sherry always held up this tennis racket at the end of the show that they would zone in on and do this brain washing pattern and then pull away and the tennis racket would be clear. She would say "Romper Stomper Bomber Boo, Tell Me, Tell Me, Tell Me Do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, did all my friends have fun at play?" And then Miss Sherry would start naming who she could see. I guess some people started experimenting with LSD way earlier than the actual revolution.

So ya when they said "here is a baby doll and this blue and white polka dotted thing is it's "romper"" .... I loved it. It was way better than a nightie for a baby doll on account of when you put the nightie on the cats they would walk on the skirt of it and choke themselves and it ended up looking like a bib with sleeves. The romper fit the cats perfectly and snapped up the back and even allowed their tails to swing free. They needed to twitch their tails in case I was not looking at their ears flat against their heads to signal that they thought they looked really swell too. They always ran away. I lost more rompers that way ...


And somewhere on the prairies are a band of cats, bullied and laughed at by all the other cats because they wear rompers. I did that ... all by myself.

I wasn't born to romper cats ...

...television conditioned me to do that.

Mr. Do-Bee never covered rompering cats.

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Sunday, June 24, 2012

Higher Learning.


I know I was only 16 when I started university but I really had this expectation that the people who attended "higher learning" were of a "higher intelligence." No-one told me that the people who attended were probably there because they needed remedial training because they couldn't get "it" in 12 years. This is probably the biggest reason I was there but I can safely say .... I was not the most remedialest ...


You know when some of the guys decided to "streak the awards dinner" for all the sports teams and they thought to wear balaclava's so no-one would know who they were but failed to notice the various tables labelled "basketball," "hockey," etc. and umm ... several of the "hockey table" chairs were suddenly empty - OH and one of them had a cast on his arm which, unfortunately the balaclave did NOT cover???  Well you kind of realize you are amongst the intellectually impaired.

They were really fun mind you ... just not that smart.

And then when everyone was stealing the furniture from the Uni lounges to furnish their own apartments (I mean kegs and beer boxes have limited uses no matter how many doilies you put over them)the Uni started putting up more cameras. So a bunch of guys from the football team, who were a little slow on getting in on the action when the action was happening ... decided to go for the outdoor furniture. They thought themselves brilliant to think of stealing furniture from where there were no cameras and were so proud when 12 of them could lift the cement bench into the back of the truck, but not quite as proud when the rear axle snapped.

In fairness to the jocks, of which I was one, that was back in the day before Hollywood made all those "cry me a liver" movies about atheletes who failed to get educations while they were hanging out at the University and their parents and coaches and agents and all those busybodies who interfered and insisted they not only get an education but that they had to maintain their grades in order to play.  Damn if they had imposed those rules back then we would not have survived.  Most of the hockey team enrolled, played hockey, dropped out and then enrolled again for the semester when hockey season started.  AND they got all the classes they wanted, excused all the time for practice and games, and passed.  And you wonder about the state the world is in ...


I got to play basketball, travel, argue with my teachers, drink a whole lot, burn my bra and meet some cool people and the thing is that my grandparents paid for the whole thing. It was like going to summer camp for 4 years sans the beaded pemmican bags, poison ivy and the whittled whistles. (oh and the hickey's ... see I did learn something ...)

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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Did Emily Post Cover This One?


You know when you have someone in your "family" who never talks to you, treats you like dirt and then they are getting married and they suddenly invite you to the big wedding? Can you say "soliciting gifts?" RSVPing that you "will" or "will not" be attending just does not seem to cut it. Like shouldn't they have extra lines for "reasons?"


Like I really want to share that I would have loved to attend but I couldn't find towels with "are you freaking kidding me?" embroidered on them. Hey don't point at me ... I could have gone to the wedding and when we went through the line asked her who she was. I mean she never speaks to me or even acts like she knows who I am.

I didn't do that ... because I am behaving myself for once.


I am staying home and wearing white AND a veil ALL day .... and I don't even care if Emily is pissed.

SKIN:  [:ME:] Socordia V2 Medium Skintone (Base Bundle)
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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Seize the Moment and the Cinammon Buns.


I hate being behind the times. You know when you have this great idea and you gather around the boss and all the other big wigs and you stand on the conference room table and announce the big idea, and have slides and dancing puppets followed by finger sandwiches and coffee? And then everyone is looking at their shoes or their hands and clearing their throats ...


And then the boss whispers to his admin who leaves the room and comes back and hands you a folder and you open it and it is entitled - "The Big Disaster of 1996" and there are pictures of people being fired and of the police cars swarming all over the place and bodies being carried out .... oh ... and it was the idea you just presented???

Well that is not what I am talking about here. That's when you go whew ... thank heavens I DIDN'T come up with THAT idea first.

I am talking about when you get handed the folder entitled "The Big SUCCESS of 1996" and there is a picture of YOUR boss on the conference table with his dancing puppets holding a million dollar check for the idea you just presented. That sucks.

So now I just verbally diahhrea ideas all over the place. And here is one now. Exercise for the fashionista. Vogue Chi. Dress up nice - forget the loose fitting white pajamas and pose and breathe and move the chi and your arms at the same time. Set up a camera to take pics at the same time, pout your lips and smile with your eyes.


Then sit down to a big ass plate of freshly baked cinammon buns and coffee because you will be exhausted and you need to let the sweat dry before someone knocks on your door with a big check for coming up with the best idea ever.

(Only you should think of something else cause if you do Vogue Chi then you will get the folder I am talking about with a pic of me and my million dollar check, followed by a letter from me saying "I told you so.")

SKIN:  WOW Skins Iris  [:ME:] Socordia V2 Medium Skintone
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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Some Inventions Were Just Stupid.


When we were growing up my grandfather got my brother a bike one year for his birthday.


Why do you think farmers have such powerful legs??? Have you ever tried to ride a bike through waving fields of wheat ... dodging the buffalo ... combines and the occasional bear? Don't believe me ... feel one of their legs next time you see a farmer. They love it.

Anyway he got a bike and I cried for 3 weeks until they got me a bike too - even though it wasn't my birthday. I could make this sort of high pitched sound that seemed to really impact hearing aids and the cows. I think my grandfather probably could have held out for another 2 weeks if it hadn't been for all the cows surrounding the house with their noses pressed into the windows .... So I got a bike too only of course mine was a "girls" bike which I hated and did not understand.

I tried to argue with my grandfather saying that had a woman invented the darn things we would have had compassion for men and insisted they have the bike without the added bar. Not that we really cared that much but we do have a low threshold to that whimpering moaning sound men make when someone has "tapped" their jewels with a sledgehammer. Grandpa basically turned 8 shades of red, denied men had anything remotely resembling jewels and waited for grandma to show up with the soap.

When they prepare the fields for the wheat they plow it. Someone forgets to make it all nice and smooth when they plant it ... you know it is like pretty clumpy ... so picture jewels, pressed against a steel bar and riding over corrugated iron. Even though all that screaming helped to clear the buffalo and the bears out of our path  ... my compassion for my brother was mounting ... kind of like the Canadian Police only without the horses ... and so once we were out of my grandfathers sight we would change bikes and he would ride the one with the pink streamers and no bar and I would ride the cool red one with flames and a bar.

I think that moment of my deep compassion made a great impression on my brother.


For one thing he went on to sire several children and for the other, all his vehicles have pink streamers on them to this day.

SKIN:  [:ME:] Socordia V2 Medium Skintone
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Monday, June 18, 2012

Falling Over Fashion.


Sometimes the news leaves me howling with laughter (mainly whenever Tony Abbott opens his mouth or wears a speedo ) and then other times the news just makes me weep (strangely this is also often when Tony Abbott opens his mouth or wears a speedo)


But I do like to keep up on all the news. There is so much stuff going down these days, important things ... like did you see the video of the guy giving his wedding speech and his pants just fall down right there? Like we want to see that one in the photo album all gauzy and prettied up ...

And then they had this whole discussion elsewhere about the pants off the butt fashion thing.

And I feel sorry for all these people because we all laugh but we don't seem to want to discuss the elephant in the room folks .... they just DO NOT make elastics like they used to.

Come on .... our foremothers had steel elastic in their clothing but especially in their underwear.  Where the heck do you think anyone ever came up with the idea that steel girders could hold all that weight?  But now .... today ... they don't care.   Somewhere there is an elastic Tycoon laughing and rubbing his hands together as he counts his money saying things like "have another  cheese burger mom" and writing on bathroom walls "will do anything for chocolate" and signing Jenny Craigs name.

When you look at those poor undernourished teen age boys whose pants cannot stay up ... what chance do the middle aged have?


I am tired of being arrested because my clothes keep falling off all the time in public.  I am not sure why the excuse 'it is the new fashion look' does not fly but I cannot believe how testy those church people get when your skirt falls off in the middle of a hymn.

How Christian is that?

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OUTFIT:  Bubblez design BB - Maria Outfit (mesh)
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Sunday, June 17, 2012

Photo Envy.


I have a daughter in law that does amazing pics ... not that she tries, she just does amazing pics with her cell phone for crying out loud. Like I take a picture of someone in front of a water fountain and it looks like a tourist standing in front of a water fountain and she does the same thing and sun streams all nicely so that the water sparkles and she catches the spray at the right time so it softens the whole picture and it looks like she captured an angel ....


Right now all her pics have this sort of vintage 50's feel to them - with happy children, happy home, happy family ...   Those kids will be 8 and feeling nostalgic - the pics evoke that much of a feel for the era. Clearly she has a talent for arranging her life and the people in it so that they are photogenic and it all works.

I went back and pulled out all the old photos from my childhood and even though they are all faded and coloured that way because of time they still do not inspire nostalgia.


I blame it on the people I had to work with. There is just no denyng it. We all look like a bunch of dummies looking for a crash test. You would think that we might have taken off the safety helmets for at least the wedding photos.

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Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Sound Of My Own Voice.


You know that magical moment when you holler in the mountains and your own voice echoes back ....


You discover a microphone for the first time and damn you sound good even if you are only singing Jingle Bells with some 50 other kids for the Pre School Christmas Pageant...

You hear your voice played back on a tape for the first time ....

You stand up before the crowd and speak and they leap to their feet with applause ...

It's kinda cool to find your voice, to hear your voice ... to have that voice heard by others....


But the best is when you hear someone echoing back the very words that you spoke, especially if it is your own kids ... and you realize how important it is to have a voice and to be heard .... even if it is only in your own home.

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Friday, June 15, 2012

BAA BAA Black Sheep.


I am the black sheep of the family. I wear my wool proudly and I love nothing more than going home and "baaing" at the moon.


White always made me look all glowy and angelic like. And then people have all these expectations of you and I don't handle disappointment well.... especially when it borders on anger and involves Mr. Belt. Besides, the costume was too fluffy.


Fluffy definitely makes your ass look fat.

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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Pinching Curtains.


I tried this look when I was a kid.


I pulled the curtain sheers down from the living room and draped them around me. You have no idea how hard it is to get gauze to stay up on you when you have no boobilage. I waited until I thought everyone was busy with the cows and then I ran through the field so that the curtains flowed behind me - just like you see in the fashion shoots.

I lost the curtains somewhere in the barley ... and ended up with more bugs in my teeth than I can say.


I think if you run through a field with a flowy gauzy dress blowing in the wind and there is no one there to see you .... you might as well be naked ... which I was after I lost the curtains.

You would be amazed how much lace tablecloths look like curtains in a pinch ....

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Food and Children or Men (Whichever).


I like food challenges. You know when the kid/man throws down the gauntlet and says that they hate something and never eat it? That's when I plump up my breasts, fling my cape over my shoulder, hike up the leotards, and take one on for mankind.


So when my one daughter painstakingly picked out every piece of purple cabbage out of her salad insisting she HATED it, I bought green cabbage to put in the salad. She ate it for several weeks, declaring that she loved those green crunchy bits the best. I loved telling her she had been eating cabbage.

When my one son (and please, if you are reading this oh picky eater son - turn the computer off now) hated everything fish, I forbade anyone to ever disclose to him what ceasar salad dressing was made up of. I haven't done the big reveal with him yet because sometimes it is more fun to just sit and watch him eat all that salad ... when everyone else is in on the joke but him.

When my son in law said he hated sour cream, I made my special dish with sour cream and said nothing. I was heavily anticipating the moment of reveal the next day when I proved, once again, that ideas and attitudes about food are all in your head.


I wanted to do the reveal, I really did, but when the paramedics were loading him into the back of the ambulance, they said no-one could ride with him ... I mean it might not have been the sour cream right .... it could have been the liver or the pineapple...

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Monday, June 11, 2012

Blowing Up Family Reunions.


Uncle Irwin had a summer place on a lake and we always got to spend at least one big family reunion type weekend there. Family reunions are those wonderful times when everyone who hates everyone gets dragged protesting and screaming up to the potato salad on the buffet table and told to "play nice."


Entertainment for the day always included swimming, lawn darts, baseball and some major drama/fight that ended with people screaming and crying and someone burning donuts on the front lawn as they speed off with their half eaten potato salad, swearing at Grandma, and insisting they were adopted.

Uncle Irwin always had lots of blow up stuff for the kids to play with around the lake and it was a mad dash when we first got there to detangle the massive pile of brightly coloured plastic and claim the best flotation device. (The palm tree sucked by the way) Inevitably someone would be found crying that there were none left and we would all get lectures on sharing, which we ignored, and then Uncle Irwind would go and search in the back bedroom closets and come out with one more yellow ducky, or some huge shark with gaping teeth.

Except one time.

This kid went searching on his own, found something, came out and sat on the beach, watching the rest of us splashing, and began to blow up his "find." We all ignored him, the adults were too focused on the potato salad and the kids were focused on trying to drown one another. Finally the kid waded in, mounted his 'flotation device' and laid spread eagled on top of his anatomically correct blow up doll.

It's amazing how the presence of naked plastic is just "felt" and after the Heimlich Maneuver had been performed on Aunt Isabel who choked on her potato salad, 300 parents ran for the water (parents from neighbouring houses came too ... I think parents have a signal they emit that only they can hear because Grandma's mouth was open like she was screaming but I could not hear any sound) and they grabbed the kid, drowned the blow up doll, covered all our eyes and insisted we needed to come and eat our potato salad .... NOW!!!


I asked Grandma a couple of years later why we never went to Uncle Irwin's House anymore.

She swore at me and told me he was adopted.

SKIN:  FILTHY Mia Tan 04
HAIR:  [BURLEY]_Carina_DarkBrowns
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LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
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PURSE:  OC Hot Summer BAG
FLOWER:  AOHARU_BT_HibiscusCorsage
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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Winter Blahs.


I like to keep up on my reading and be as brain washed as the next person PLUS I wanna be a successful Senior Citizen eventually so I am training now to be able to compete in the health olympics. You know where people socialize and try to out do one another with their health concerns? Kind of like poker but without the stripping or the chips ....


So in the winter people get depressed because they miss the sun. I watched many of the commercials in the US when I was last there and had a whole list of drugs to go to the doctor with and ask if I might need them. I love those commercials. There is always someone on the beach skipping, talking about how a drug changed their life and you should ask your doctor if it might be for you. They never tell you what the drug is for so that when you go to the doctor you can be surprised to find out that you can be cured from something you didn't even know you had.

Some of the drugs were to enhance my penis and we both felt that perhaps that was not for me although I did argue that perhaps THAT was my problem - I never had one - so technically, trying to enhance it might be the ticket to beach skipping. My doctor insisted she knew best so I let that one go. She wanted me to do some reading and try some other things before we went for the drugs. I was disappointed but I agreed to try only because she said she would follow up and if things were not working we could discuss medication then.

She suggested that I try not to spend so much time under my bed where it was dark and that might help with the sun issue and then gave me some stuff to read. The first article was on depression and how to deal with it. There were several points. The first was "Everything is not about you." I cried for hours. I had to be admitted to the hospital and put on drugs. It was such a shock to me.


I am under my bed as I type this ... but the dark does not bother on me. With these drugs I can close my eyes and I am skipping on the beach ... with a penis ....

SKIN:  [:ME:] Acedia Light Skintone (Limited/Exclusive)
HAIR:  TRUTH Dee (Mesh) -  browns
EYES:  IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Mint Light
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
DRESS:  BUBBLEZ DESIGN BB - Fakeyu Outfit (partial mesh)
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