Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Some Inventions Were Just Stupid.


When we were growing up my grandfather got my brother a bike one year for his birthday.


Why do you think farmers have such powerful legs??? Have you ever tried to ride a bike through waving fields of wheat ... dodging the buffalo ... combines and the occasional bear? Don't believe me ... feel one of their legs next time you see a farmer. They love it.

Anyway he got a bike and I cried for 3 weeks until they got me a bike too - even though it wasn't my birthday. I could make this sort of high pitched sound that seemed to really impact hearing aids and the cows. I think my grandfather probably could have held out for another 2 weeks if it hadn't been for all the cows surrounding the house with their noses pressed into the windows .... So I got a bike too only of course mine was a "girls" bike which I hated and did not understand.

I tried to argue with my grandfather saying that had a woman invented the darn things we would have had compassion for men and insisted they have the bike without the added bar. Not that we really cared that much but we do have a low threshold to that whimpering moaning sound men make when someone has "tapped" their jewels with a sledgehammer. Grandpa basically turned 8 shades of red, denied men had anything remotely resembling jewels and waited for grandma to show up with the soap.

When they prepare the fields for the wheat they plow it. Someone forgets to make it all nice and smooth when they plant it ... you know it is like pretty clumpy ... so picture jewels, pressed against a steel bar and riding over corrugated iron. Even though all that screaming helped to clear the buffalo and the bears out of our path  ... my compassion for my brother was mounting ... kind of like the Canadian Police only without the horses ... and so once we were out of my grandfathers sight we would change bikes and he would ride the one with the pink streamers and no bar and I would ride the cool red one with flames and a bar.

I think that moment of my deep compassion made a great impression on my brother.


For one thing he went on to sire several children and for the other, all his vehicles have pink streamers on them to this day.

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