Thursday, September 13, 2012

Self Appointments.


You know after years of waiting for someone to appoint me to something I kind of gave up and realized that when you rely on others you are going to find out just how appointless others are in your life. Besides opening the paper every morning and scanning all those articles to see if I had been appointed yet cause such a spiralling depression that I am almost embarrassed to tell you that I would spend my days screaming at children on television game shows on how to play the game better.

 But clearly I am not THAT embarrassed because I told you anyway.

I bet THAT makes it into tomorrows paper ....

"OTHERS" they mess everything up in my life ...


So I self appointed myself to be the new neighbourhood "Obvipointer."

We are a group of committed citizens who feel the need to point out to "others" their mistakes that are obvious to us and need to be pointed out ... mainly so we can feel a whole lot better about ourselves. I do use the term "a group of" in the biblical way meaning we hope for all things unseen and non existant.

Just to be clear.

So the other day I was trying to talk to this one woman who was screaming and going on and on about what was I doing in her house and how did I get in. I had to slap her to calm her down ... oh and promise to pay for the broken window ... before she was ready to hear what I had to say.

Life is like that ... people aren't always ready to hear the truth so sometimes you have to wait ... until either you get them completely tied up, or the drugs kick in ...

I told her, despite what Martha says, having a nice clean floor in her house is swell but not when her children are out playing in the traffic. The Supreme court still does not allow cleanfloorism as a defense to dented children. I was standing on the table and pointing down at her and really into it ... I had ruffled feathers (in a bag) and everything.

 I take my role very very seriously.


That's when she told me she did not have any kids and one of those kids ran into her house and said to me, "Mom, when are you coming home? Dad said the kitchen floor needs cleaning."

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