Monday, December 3, 2012

Postcard From The Edge.

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See the pretty winter postcard like picture? See me sitting in the fluffy snow? See the snow falling gently? Put some gauze over your eyes and wax nostalgic about how romantic winter is and assign some lovely romantic meaning as to why I am sitting in the snow by myself looking at the snow flakes.

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OK are you done? Now wake the hell up!

The reality is that I ran out in the freezing cold to get some milk because the kids were whining that there was no milk left for cereal and they would not be quieted with hands of oats flung into their bedroom. I did not put on enough clothes to be able to survive the freezing cold because I was still trying to look fashionable and enough clothes would have meant I could not move which sort of takes away from ones ability to achieve the objective which can be stated as "GO and get some milk." "GO" and "warm enough" are not compatible at all.

So ... I ran to get the milk and ran to get home on account of that is what you do when you are that cold and you have to pee .. you run ... and then your lungs freeze up and you think you are going to die so I sat down in the park on a stone bench and I peed my pants and then I was stuck to the stone bench and you cannot stand up with a stone bench frozen to your ass. Well, technically you can, but then you amputate your pants and part of your ass in the process which I did because I could no longer feel my ass anyway I was so cold but because I am a pro I was able to hide that and photshop it out in the photos.

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The pic of me sitting was after I crawled up against a tree right before I fell asleep and died in the snow.

Yes, you are right ... this is not a NICE Christmas story.

Oh .. and the kids are starving at home ...

You should take the gauze away from your eyes now ... you can use it to blow your nose if you like.

Reality if the biggest killer of romance known.

So is winter.

Dr. Zhivago is  all special effects.  Especially the romance part.


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