Sunday, April 7, 2013

Square Dancing is NOT Just for Squares.


We had this "Life Skills" class in Jr. High because someone was foolish enough to think we were salvageable. I was expecting we would be going into the wilderness and eating bugs, learning how to tear birch bark from a tree with our teeth and build a canoe to ride the white rapids, or shooting a buffalo with a bow and arrow and skinning it and making pemmican ... you know LIFE skills.


Turns out it was things like how to do a resume, how to open a bank account, how NOT to have sex (which is kind of contradictory to the whole LIFE skill ... if there is no sex, no babies.  No babies, no life!  DUHHH!)     Imagine my surprise when somewhere in the middle of all that excitement we had "Square Dancing."

Square Dancing is a Canadian Life Skill!

You know, in times of natural disaster or great catastrophe, the square dancers show up. They get out of the bus in their crinolines that show their panties (not a pretty sight on 60 year old farm women whose thighs could flip a tractor in a single movement) and their sparkly matching shirted partners. People could be lying around dying because a barn fell on them, or a tornado took a wrong turn and missed Kansas, and the first thing everyone wants to know is WHERE are the square dancers??

911 is a direct line to square dancers.

Once that music starts up and people are dosadoing and alamaning left, people's hearts start beating, wounds heal, limbs reattach, they start breathing ... they rise from the dead. And people clap and stomp and whoot and have a hell of a good time. Thank GOD they taught us that in Life Skills class because I put it on my resume and was hired as a paramedic straight out of high school. I was so good they wanted me to consider brain surgery.

You didn't actually believe what I just typed did you?? Don't be ridiculous.


I tried to offer it as a skill in consideration of becoming safety monitor at a job once (it paid more money) and they said I needed something more practical like CPR training .... pfft ... they clearly have never seen me square dance. I rock at promenading and courtesy turns AND my crinolines can take out a whole football line.

I know that some day I will live in the mountains and people all over the world will climb that mountain to reach the wise old woman who will speak of the ancient art of square dancing ... and hubby will put on the fiddle cd and I will get into my crinoline and people will weep at the healing powers.

(make sure when you read this that you hide the sarcasm off your face until the very end and then look at people like they are completely stupid and gullible for believing in the healing power of square dancing. People like it when you make them feel gullible.  It makes them feel more Canadian. Have you hugged a moose today?)

SKIN:  -Belleza- Mya WCF
HAIR:  Analog Dog AD - manhattan dark
EYES:   IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Light Steel Blue
EARRINGS:  Phoebe's Piercings *P* Sherezade Earrings ~Summer~
TOP:  CaKe Sweater Blue Rose-mesh for Acid Lily
LEGGINGS:  Graffitiwear White Holey Leggings
SHOES:  even.flow Saddle Shoes Hawaiian Mobster
STOOL:  Circa Nature Hill Ladder

Ever wonder how my mind works that I come up with all this stuff?? Well ... I have no idea BUT if you enjoy this Blog you might be interested in Bliss/Aria's other blogs - find out more at Intertwingled. Join us on Facebook!  where there is even more.
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