Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Fire Flies - A Cautionary Tale.


Not sure why anyone thought it was a good punishment to have children write essays on their misdeeds but yes that was considered the thing to do when I was a kid. Hence my famous "Thesis" on Fire Flies.


You see I desperately wanted to see a fire fly.

All the fairy books had them in there. And princesses always had them hovering around them when they ran through the forest.

I wanted fire flies too.

It took me a while to figure out that fire flies do not fly in winter - because it would be nearly impossible to get off the ground in snow pants, and ski jackets, and toques, and mittens, and boots. So I concentrated on summer. I was a smart kid.

After several failed attempts to locate any, and having been recently versed in magic on account of my brother got a Merlin the Magician kit for his birthday and had been making money disappear ... I knew illusion could work. It would be years before I would learn that "magic" was not a legitimate defense for stealing on account of my brother was that convincing and always wore a top hat and a cape and carried a bunny. I figured if I could not see an actual firefly and get a picture, I could create my own and take a picture. It worked with Sasquatch AND I was desperate as I had bragged to all the kids at school that I was not actually like them, I was a fairy princess and that every night I flew with the fire flies. I told them I had an actual pet fire fly named "fluffy" and that we were inseperable.

I had to put up or shut up.

So I studied the pictures and got the mason jars, the live flies, matches, and my brother. I waited until dark, lit the flies on fire, put them in the jars and told him to run through the forest leaping and jumping holding the jar so I could get a picture.

I am not sure whether it was the flies screaming or my brother.

All I know is that the jars exploded, "Merlin" was unable to hold a rabbit for most of the summer, the flies took out a restraining order, and I had to write an essay.


I wrote a pretty good essay. It was filled with sarcasm and a genuine lack of remorse.

I just think that it is pretty stupid to name them "fire flies" when there isn't supposed to be any fire. Talk about irresponsible . . . flies aren't even fire proof.

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