Saturday, October 12, 2013

A Valuable Lesson on the High Seas.

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I had once thought to escape the farm on a boat. It seemed like a very romantic thing to do, escape in the middle of the night and head for the sea. I could be like a mermaid, or a princess captured by the pirates, or even a queen sailing to claim a new land.  I had done my reading of all the fairy tales and stories relating to the romance and adventure of the high seas.

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We had a row boat that my grandfather bought at a sale and put down in the creek for my brother and I. I guess I could have gone on one of the rafts we built, but the Lady of Shalott was not on a raft when she lay there so tragically beautiful, and while I enjoyed Tom Sawyer I didn't want to be him. I could see myself lying in the bottom of the boat as it drifted, in a beautiful gown with flowers in my hair ... so I packed my things and I snuck them down and hid them in the trees by the creek and waited for nightfall.

I climbed out my window and ran across the yard and over the hill down to the creek. The creek was a lot more scary at night. Mainly because it was really dark and cows look really scary as big black lumps with eyes.   I sat in the boat with my things for a long time before I pushed myself off. I had no idea where I was heading but I was prepared to see it through. I sailed past the neighbours and through a field I had never been to and was quite pleased with myself, especially more so as the morning sun started to rise. And then I saw it ... the sea ... I had made it to the sea!   I was going to .... ummm ... I had no idea what came after making it to the sea ... Where were the pirates?  Had no-one told the mermaids I was coming?

And then I noticed that there were cows in the sea ...

And that the sea stunk horribly and that there were lots of mosquitos and flies and I was sure I was going to die. The boat got stuck in all the mud and I couldn't get out of the boat and I had already eaten all my food.  I was stuck in a smelly slough that wasn't the sea at all and I did what any self respecting girl would do ... I started to cry...

I was quite happy to be spanked and grounded when my grandfather found me. Anything was better than being left in the slough in that stupid boat with cows looking at me like I was beyond stupid.  Cows don't read so that they are never disillusioned with life.  They accept smelly sloughs because that is all they know.  And they are happy.  They don't care that there are no pirates or mermaids or fairy princesses.  They don't even know what a sea is.  They just know grass.    Sometimes I think cows are incredibly smart.

I learned a valuable lesson that night.

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The pictures in the book do not translate well to the real world. Clearly the artists have different paints and everyone should be reminded that you can't smell fairy tales AND it would take way too much time to draw in all the flies and mosquitos. Books can fill your head with all kinds of stupid notions.  That is why we must all read responsibly .... and go watch the Simpsons or something more realistic.

Oh and no matter how many peanut butter sandwiches you think will last you ... make more ...


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