Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I Worry.

i worry
I lay awake at night worrying about things in SL. 

It's much more than the fear of showing up a dance thing because some friend insists and then everyone is making the lates moves, all looking like they know what they are doing and you know this is going to be one of those times when you might die.  And you just kind of stand there and look for some dance something you picked up in a freebie somewhere and you finally find it and click it and suddenly there you are doing the chicken dance in an actual chicken costume and there is this big space around you and no matter how cool you try to look.... you don't.
If people didn't know you were a loser when you first showed up you know have slam dunked the closing argument.
It is the one time you wish you had more friends so that you could touch people and look cool too because they have the dance huds.  But when you touch people they ban you and suddenly you are on SL Secret that same week.  Someone posts about the perv on the dance floor inthe chicken costume and you know the post is about you ... just like all the rest of the posts on there are always about you because people are either always thinking about you or they are all done by your mom.
I try to touch the appropriate places on people when at those clubs, thinking they won't notice in the heat and the crowd and all their friends ... but with all the attachments these days we are like giant penises with eyes or giants assoobs with lips.  There is nowhere to touch that is NOT inappropriate.  You could go to shake a hand and end up with something completely wrong in your hand AND if it is an Xcite item ... not only will everyone know about it via chat or worse, on voice . . . you have also just activated someone else's avatar to have this strange epileptic fit.  I have NO idea what THAT is all about.
I am a very caring kind of person.  I lie awake at night worrying.
Do penis's go out of date?  Like if you never use them?  Do men have a hope chest full of peni that they collect and hope to one day use?  When they realize their pick up lines of "Hi, can I mount you?" and "Hi, wanna be my friend, I have an 8 foot penis . . .  no . . .  for real . . . not just my avatar ... wanna cam?" don't work, do they have a peni yard sale?  How do you verify a second hand penis works?  Plugging it in while standing in the garage takes on a whole new meaning.
And how do you know if your penis is in trouble?  Is there an expiration date?  What if the batteries die?  And then you have to rifle through your drawers (literally) looking for a penis that works?  I have this vision of it being like someone picking up flashlights and switching them on and off only they are putting on penises and hitting FULL TILT AROUSAL ... and .... nothing ....
Do you have to upgrade or get a newer model every year like an iphone?  What makes a newer model?
Do you notice someone with a nicer penis and ask where he bought it from? Is it ever polite to ask if you could look at it for a moment?  Do they unzip or hand it to you?  What do you say if their significant other walks in and there you are holding their penis in your hand, saying "I like the realistic detail?"  Do you hand it to the partner and say "sorry?"
If you get divorced who gets possession of the penis?  Isn't it a marital asset?
I have to take medicine for the headache I get worrying about this stuff.
I think SL needs to be more caring for its people and there should be like some kind of clinic where people can make sure their expensive "assets" are in working condition.  They could have loaners while they leave theirs behind to be repaired, except you would need someone with a college education to make sure you didn't accidentally give someone back the wrong penis because then you could have baby mix-ups.  You think it is your hubby's, you only slept with him, but you had no idea he was wearing Mary Twinklebums penis and Mary is your baby's daddy.  Ewwww ....
Yes, we need to evolve into more deep and meaningful scandals, we've done all the other stuff.  We don't even sound that bad anymore when people do TV shows about SL.  We have a reputation to uphold you know.  How is it going to look when some farming game becomes more racy than we are??  Then you will be sorry you were not up all night worrying with me.
SKIN:  7DS 7 Deadly s{K}ins - BOHO Special
EYES:  IKON  Perspective Eyes - Coffee from The Liaison Collaborative
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
JEWELLERY:  Artistry by E The Caroline Set

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