Friday, November 22, 2013

The Girlfriend Rules for Second Life.

girlfriends


Miss Bliss is particularly perturbinated at the recent appalling behaviour witnessed between girlfriends on Second Life and feels the need to speak out immediately. *dusting off the old soapbox, placing it and climbing on top .... making eye contact with each and every one of you, clearing my throat .....*

Girlfriends have specific irrevocably inalienable responsibilities towards one another in SL and they are as follows ... get out your handbooks and write these down....


1. You will always watch your screen for the announcement that your girlfriend has arrived in Second Life. It is appropriate to have some sort of magnificent music begin playing immediately. You can commence the jumping up and down and squealing and you will immediately IM her with "HIIIIIIIII!!!!! (hugs)" (helpful hint.... to fully experience girlfriend huggydom so that you are not a lame hugger you should hug yourself frequently and pretend it is her doing it ...don't French kiss the mirror though cause that is just pathetic)

 
2. Next step is immediate voice chat. More squealing and jumping up and down. (if RL interferes with this find a huge closet - tell the children and hubby you are playing a special game. Tie them up with duct tape and make sure to put two pieces over their mouths ... tell them the first one to get out of their restraints will get supper. Throw in some dry crusts of bread for incentive. Believe me I have used this many times .. the family loves it .. such a fun fun game ...hours and hours of fun ... one time it went for 4 days .... hilarious ....well I guess I was the only one laughing ... except no ... I forgot about them and went to bed ... I was sleeping ... ok never mind...)


3. You then immediately send her all the lms and info on what you have experienced and what items you scored while you were on SL without her. If there was something hilarious that happened you should have pics and of course ALWAYS copy what everyone else talked to you about - how will your properly gossip otherwise?  Best to just copy every conversation so you can paste it for her - don't worry your pretty little head about the TOS that is for the nerds and brainiacs to worry about.
  

4. If someone else has been a bitch and you both agree you hate her/him .... decide which blog or social media you are going to out them on and begin writing nasty stuff immediately. Start planning your SL Secret poster and leak to others who it is really about. Make sure you get them to write into the blog once you post it so it can go on for days and days and days and everyone in SL hears about it.


5. Get naked, get dressed, and go out and laugh hysterically about other people and how uncool they are. Make sure you get the right order of that cause once I got mixed up and laughed right after the get naked part and ... well .. that girlfriend isn't my girlfriend anymore.  She's a little aardvark or some other animal and lives in Gor somewhere doing very strange unspeakable things.   I don't think the two are connected ... my comment and her aardvarkiness ... it's just the timing ... I laughed, she cried, and then poof ... she was an aardvark ...


6. When "hunting" with them always wait for them and make sure you both have the heart/kite/egg/bunny/doowahdiddy before TPing on. NEVER go hunting without her.


7. Never pick up other girlfriends when she is not around. You own each other and owe each other - this is real territorial stuff ... in fact do like the animals in the wild do and run around and urinate a big circle around her .... that way there is no confusing who she belongs to ...those damn deer horn in on everything otherwise.


8. Never kiss and tell. Don't do anything and tell. If you need to tell someone tell me .... because I am a professional and I need stupid things to write about.


10. Now here are some really important things BF will always do for each other:

 
a. Make sure to tell her if anything is not positioned right on her body but don't scream it out in public chat cause I did that once ... I was like ... "hey ....Zippellalindawishes," (yup that was her name cause she wanted to own the prize chairs ... I usually called her Zippy but this was important shit so I said hey Zippellalindawishes..) And she was like, "what?" and I said "your nose is really whacked" and everyone heard me and they all looked at her nose, pointed and laughed, and then someone wrote on the bathroom walls "Zippellalindawishes has a big shnozzolla" and she cried for days and I had to find an AO that would hold her and pat her head and tell her it would all be ok so that I could go to bed and get some sleep. But it all worked out ok cause she was like so touched at how sensitive I was to stay up all night with her like that and just be there ... and I was like "ya... I care that much babe. Oh and even though your nose is not whacked it is all red and big from crying"  I could say that because we were alone and I had learned my lesson.

 
b. Try out all the sex poses with her on the bed before the big date and let her know which ones make her look fat.


c. Never ask her to copy her shape ... everything else is sharesies sharesies except the shape.   Cause then the game would really be boring cause we would all look the same and there would be no point we would all just be named "pete" and "repete" and "rerepete" and we would all go around saying "ditto" "dittoditto."  I mean I know some of you talk like that anyway but trust me it is just not that interesting ,  And don't make me have to repeat myself ....ditto ... (ahahahahahaha I just crack me up ...)

 
d. Always transfer anything you can to her. And dress alike all the time.  Tell everyone you are really sisters in real life.  Stand close to her and when people ask if you are lesbians or something snort at them and then get teary eyed and tell them thanks for bringing it all up ... you just got out of surgery.  Tell them you had a siamesetwinectomy and she was what they removed..." and then make them drive you to the hospital because the doctors will want to yell at them. It is so funny when they get all worried and then once you get all in your hospital gowns you can jump up and moon them and go ... "psyche" ... hahahahaha - it's really funny if you are on the psyche ward - but don't worry if you're not .. you'll get there ....promise ...


e. Buy her nice presents when you can.  I just know my girlfriends are shopping for me right now .....


11. Always remember how much you love them (the person behind the pixels) and try not to be too upset when you finally find out that she is really a he - not 27 at all but 83 ... and once he gets out of prison .. he really wants to hang out with you in RL ... could you send him some money ...


And remember without bathrooms for us to travel to and from together - we miss a lot of those special RL moments so you just have to pick it up where you can.


And that concludes this edition of the Emergency Blissful Manner Broadcast System ... we will now return you to Hockey Night In Canada where any reproduction, in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited by someone ... some big ass big someone .... but you get the gist ....
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