Thursday, April 24, 2014

A Bridge to Hell.

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We had a bridge on our property that you had to cross in order to get to the farm.  You turned down the lane, went down the hill, crossed the bridge and then up the hill and voila ... you were there .. the farm ... in all its bovine glory.

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The school bus dropped us off at the end of the lane and we walked in.  There was no 7-11 along the way. We had to rough it.

The one year I was on crutches, having wrecked my leg with basketball and putting off the inevitable until the season was over.  It was spring run off and my family informed me the creek had flooded, the bridge was under and they could only get a tractor in and out.  Being as I could not navigate the tractor with my leg, I had to go and stay at the ministers house in town until the creek went down.

I can't prove anything, but I am pretty sure my brother had the garden hose down there flooding the creek on purpose.

Have you ever had to stay with a minister and his wife for 3 days ... when you are 14 and at the height of your efforts to be really cool?

It sucked.

The highlights were watching "Hymn Sing" and kneeling on rice to say our evening prayers together while holding hands.

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That pretty much finished Church for me period.

After you see your Minister in his underwear in the morning on his way to the bathroom, and you hear his wife call him her "little studmuffin"   it doesn't matter how moving the sermon is on any given Sunday.  When your eyes roll that far back in your head at the sight of him, and you are constantly retching . . . you can't hear a damn thing.

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