Sunday, June 1, 2014

A Tea Party to End All Tea Parties.

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 I could have been the poster child for proof that children are heavily influenced by the pictures they see and the things they read.

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Some girl had a tea party and I was all over it, having my own.  Alice had a cheshire cat and I taped the mouth of my cat up in permanent grin and sat her ass down in one of my chairs.

I was a good kid though.  I knew that tea was hot and that I was not allowed to play with the stove and so I improvised.  I looked for something that was brown, and liquid, and that could substitute for tea.

My grandmother's hospital brandy was the obvious choice.

Those little teeny kid size tea cups are surprisingly deceptive.  They hold much more than you think.  Let's just say that the cat and I had a hell of a good time.  It was not long before the white hare joined us and the whole deck of royal court cards.  We were dancing and singing, on top of the table, below the table ... and then suddenly there was a whole lot of throwing up and everything went black ....

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I don't think they should sell tea sets with all those deceptive pictures of little girls in fluffy dresses having the best time of their lives.  I think Alice should have been more responsible and that cat clearly was a bad influence.

I am pretty sure that my experience was the impetus behind truth in advertising and the move to have all those toys where it looked like you were emptying liquid but nothing came out.

It was also the cause of the new cabinet with the lock on it, my community service project for the SPCA, and my exile to my bedroom for 3 years.

It was the tea party to end all tea parties.

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