Sunday, June 15, 2014

Building Bridges Across the Vast Void of Depraved Minds.


Cat Burglars ... I used to think they were called that because they stole cats but I tried leaving cats out at night for them to steal and they never once took the bait.  Either they don't steal cats or they are just dumb.


I am leaning towards dumb.

The other day in the parking lot at the mall a plain new white van with two dudes with their fluoro vests on drove up behind us.

"Excuse me, this may seem like a strange question but ... are you looking for a home theatre?"

I was tempted to ask where they had lost it and if they had notified mall security so the mall could go on lock down and we could put a picture out of the said "home theatre" all over social media asking for anyone with information to come forward, and then round up all the home theatre molesters in the neighbourhood and shake them down and threaten to tell their probation officers but I had a gut feeling they were playing us. Their vests were brand new and they weren't even crying.

They wanted to know if we wanted to BUY a home theatre . . . which they just happened to have .. . in the back of  their van.  They were hanging out the window, desperately trying to insist they could give us a good deal.  They clearly needed to make a cash sale ... immediately.

I was envisioning the poor people back at the new house who were about to find out their home theatre had mysteriously gone missing and no-one knew what had happened.  I could see them swearing at the builder, the builder blaming the delivery guy, the delivery guy blaming the store and everyone suspecting the kids next door.

I kind of wished I had some counterfeit bills so I could buy it from them and then drive it to the police station with their license number on a little slip of paper.  I could have put on my leotards and cape and done a real TA-DA!!  as I handed them everything in the case they would need to make the arrest.  I would have probably even made the evening news ... Canadian woman, strikes down crime in Australia, one gang at a time.  Go Canuks!!


Unfortunately I couldn't do that.  I didn't think to pack my leotards when I left home that morning.

I feel so bad for the family that is going to lose out.  I would have liked to visit them with a basket full of cats after I went to the police station.

I think we need to make bridges between criminals and the victims and nothing speaks forgiveness like spandex and kittens.

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