Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Warm and Fuzzy Bed Time Story.

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You should be careful what wildlife you save.

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I think Mother Nature has some rules about Natural Laws.  Like maybe those Saturday morning movies where one man saves someone and then that person hangs around them forever in the shadows because they say that they now are their token animal or something and have to be there forever to take care of them were really true.  Not to be confused with the romantic Saturday afternoon movies where a man and a woman meet and there is  rose petals and stardust and he promises to love her forever and take care of her and they live happily ever after ... those are complete bullshit.

But when Mother Nature does stuff and makes up rules it is for real.

So if you save a spider or an earth worm ... they go and tell everyone that you did that and then one night when you are least expecting it you wake up and there is a herd of earth worms or spiders all there worshiping you because you are like this giant benevolent human who did magic and saved them from sure death.

They dance naked in the moonlight.  

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I mean how else do you think that they fall in your mouth when you are sleeping?  That happens you know.  I read it on the internet - "50 Icky Things You Don't Want To Know."  The average human (not the ones with 3 hands or 2 noses) swallows 17 spiders and 23 earth worms in their sleep during their life time.

Ok maybe the earth worm one isn't completely accurate ... I think it is only 11 earth worms.  There would be more but the others that are standing on your face worshiping you while you sleep have a longer reach and can fish them fallen worm out of your mouth before you swallow.  The spiders are just genetically engineered to die in mouth caverns of their great and benevolent human king/queen . . . while they dance .. naked.

Virgins are not very sure footed.

Sleep well.

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