Friday, February 27, 2015

No-one Believes It Is About The Fashion Anymore.

I turned on the computer to show a friend Second Life, wanting her to see all the fabulous fashion and different styles of avatar around the sims.   It is one of my favourite things to do.  It is my reason for being in Second Life.

  I tried several place.  This is basically all I could show her, apart from my avatar.

This is my Second Life now.  I want the old one back.

It used to be we complained about people being inappropriately naked around the grid.  We were so concerned we packed up all evidence of our adulthood and hid it in an adult sim so we could protect those of us still navigating life with eyes shut pretending we are too special to have any naughty bits and for others, knowing how special they are, never wanting them tainted with someone else's eyes beholding them, except the person you marry, maybe ... possible but not necessary.

Now we wander Second Life and we see nothing but disembodied bits of ourselves and our outfits, super-sized, suspended in the air, while the rest of our nakedness stands off to the side trying to coax the pigeons home with some special bird feed.  Thank heavens most penises have been given names they have learned to respond to.  Add in everyone making up their own names, I have no idea who anyone is, so I just try to tip toe on through without knocking someone's penis off or accidentally bowling down an entire crowd with someone's ginormous head.

"Attention shoppers!  Clean Up Aisle Three."

What is the etiquette here anyway?  Where do you put your eyes when you are talking to a headless body?  Do you look the other way when you run into a these bits and pieces or do you stop and help try to collect body and clothes  for someone only to have them say, "THAT is not my ass?" 

"Attention shoppers, Someone has turned in a rather large ass at customer service.  Please check your inventory and make sure you have yours before you leave the store."

Someone starts talking to me and for the life of me I have no idea what they even are, let alone who.  I read their profile and I get that they are famous and special and have rules but  if it weren't for their pictures, I would not have a clue.   It is hard to be impressed when all I get is a jigsaw of the avatar formerly known as them.  Especially  when all you see is the hair that ate New York City floating through the sky.    I suppose it does make inspecting things easier.    Hard to know the laser beam is on you when "you" are all over the place.

It could be fun if all of a sudden all the suspended items just dropped onto the ground and the public announcer hollered "PEANUT SCRAMBLE" and everyone dived in and grabbed whatever and then had to wear what they ended up with. 

I have sat there sometimes and just followed people around to see if they ever come back together.  I realize I look just as pathetic to them as they look to me but that is fitting somehow isn't it?  We all live our little lives thinking we are perfect and everyone else is a mess?  I like that Linden Lab is feeding our delusions in a very real way through a virtual experience.   I am perfect, what the hell happened to you?

I am also grateful the viewer has allowed me to at least conduct mercy killings on the spot and I can simply derez what remains are left and put people  out of their misery.  Oh, the power of it all!    I don't even worry anymore about the morality of it all or whether I am being polite.  I just want to make my eyes stop bleeding.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Failed Medical Evolution. Intervention Please.

lion around 1

With all the medical advancements made over the past few decades how come no-one has come up with a better idea than the "tie in the back" hospital gown?  It has not evolved to any great extent, it is exactly what it once was, the description of which involves words I am not allowed to type here.

lion around 2

As if it was not bad enough with the cloth version, someone came up with the paper one.  If that was meant to divert our frustration it failed.  So now you can tell how high class, or not, your doctor's office is, according to their choice to gown for you to wear.  Now you can say, I may look completely stupid, but at least I am sanitary and HEY, I can pretty much be assured that the patient before me didn't also wear this one.  (unless of course there is a new university degree for being able to fold items, once used, in such a way that you can repackage them and they look brand new - which I am not denying could have happened.)  

Personally I don't think it matters one way or the other because they are all ridiculous.  As an adult woman over the age of 30 who has had several children, (you will understand the need for the bold italics further down)  I am beyond giving a crap about getting naked in front of the doctor or anyone else for that matter.  I don't bother looking at myself, I am certainly not going to look at someone else looking at me.  Go look at yourself if your curious.  Want the opposite sex?  Turn on the internet, the naked people will find you.  Try heading for the sites that are for children.  They are always there.   I figure that is what they pay as doctor the big bucks for.  Someone has to deal with those of us least likely to ever be chosen to appear in Playboy, and our medical concerns.

And while I am at it.  One size does not fit all.  Seeing people wandering the halls, waiting for their name to be called for a medical test of some sort, where the gown can't make it up over their upper arms and hangs around their chest and flaps open in the breeze makes that pretty apparent.  And all those beautiful, size 0 women have private doctors at Playboy or Disneyland, and any men that size are with the rest of the Pygmy tribe somewhere in a jungle.

Okay so he asks me to take off my bottoms and leave my underwear on and put on the gown, tie in the back (depending what he is looking at), except no-one ever ties anything.  It is basically a sheet to cover me ... with arms.  Then I either lay face down or face up, again depending what I am there for.  I have never understood going in with an eye or toe complaint and having to undress completely.  My point is that what he needs to examine is open and bare and what he doesn't ... Is underneath and unseen. 

Do some people actually feel comforted with ... He sees me - full frontal nudity -  but thank God he did not see my back or my butt?

And what is with the stepping out of the room so I can get undressed??  Does he think I am going to do some kind of seductive dance for him if he stays?  Concerns for my own modesty ... Hello,  go back and read paragraph 3 and the part about children.  I lived through a marathon of never having any privacy ... not in the bath tub, the shower, on the toilet ... and certainly not dressing.  I know how to fend for myself when getting dressed.  As for me being inappropriately stimulated by his presence ... please go and reread  paragraph 3 and understand I am too exhausted for that kind of nonsense.

And then, after he pushes and prods my naked body with the "modesty gown"  dangling off one hand where it ended up after moving it a bit here and there for the examination, because let's face it, it just gets in the freaking way ... he leaves the room again so I can get dressed.  I am laying on the table practically butt naked.  He has just touched parts of me I had forgotten I even had.   Like again what?  Putting on my clothes completely inappropriate because of the sexual overtones??  Paragraph 3 people, paragraph 3!!!

lion around 3

I'd be quite happy to show up for the appointment in a trench coat, commando underneath and just save us all time and needless expense for modesty gowns.  I think it would be much better if those who are uncomfortable just close their eyes and they don't have to see their own body, anyone's possible arousal, etc.  Then play some church music and they can just pretend they are somewhere else.   

Evidently that technique can get you through 75 years of marriage, it can certainly get you through a 15 minute doctor visit.

SKIN:  Glam Affair - Skye - India - 02
EYES:  IKON Kaleido Eyes - Oil
NAILS:  ::SG:: CM2015 Neutral Nails*
EARRINGS:  MG - Earrings - Flower Heart
PURSE:  -David Heather-Faux Purse/Earth
SHOES:  Loordes of London-Italian Nights-#12
DRESS:  Paperbag. Naomi Dress Tangerine

POSES:  Bauhaus Movement  Arialee, Erica, Marilyn 2

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

It's A Flamingo, It's a Helicopter, It's First Aid Woman!

bags are packed 2

I went to a first aid course once.  It was mandatory for all of us in the department so we were attending with other people from the office and let me tell you,  when we walked in there and saw there was a dummy for each of us I didn't even try to restrain my relief.  I hooted and hollered and jumped up and down on the table until I choked on my candy and the instructor had to do the Heimlich manoeuvre  on me.

Once you have a strangers hands all over your chest and you projectile spit a candy across the room hitting your boss and knocking out a tooth .. . there really is no need to waste any more class time on things like ice breakers.

bags are packed

We got straight into the instruction right after the boss was in the car and on his way to the emergency dental hospital with his tooth neatly wrapped up in a tissue with a bit of ice.  I offered to pack it for him but everyone else thought it best if I sit down and rest ... on the other side of the room . . . behind the screen.

The instructor told us to spit out any candy or gum we might have in our mouth.  I showed him my candy was still embedded in the wall where it landed after it ricocheted off the boss's tooth.  I like to get points when I can.  One of the other women was chewing gum and he had to tell her three times to spit it out.  The third time he took her over the garbage can and held it out in front of him demanding she put her gum in there.

He told us we had to do that in real life if we ever had to do CPR because it would be awful if we were giving someone mouth to mouth and then ended up losing our gum or candy in their mouth and they choked to death.  I also pointed out that the gum might accidentally land in their hair too and then it would be really hard for them to comb it out before surgery and the person might not only have scars from the accident but the other patients might laugh at them and call them names like "sticky hair" or "gum head." 

The instructor had us watch a short video and then he demonstrated on his dummy.  Half way through he was sure that the woman still had her gum in her mouth but she said "no."  Then it happened again ... and again!!  Finally he made her open her mouth and show him and she did.   None of us saw any gum.  

The instructor got all flustered but you could tell he still did not believe her.   He asked if we had any questions and then it was our turn to work on our dummies.  He pointed out these were incredibly life like and expensive and we were very fortunate to have them on loan to us for the day from the fire department's stash.    We were all practicing away, counting out our pumps on the chest, listening for breath, pinching the nose and tilting the head back and breathing in to their mouths.  It was cool their chests rose and everything.  I was really attracted to mine.  That happens in real life too.  When you go through something really traumatic with someone you can form life long bonds.  There is no sense fighting it.  God probably caused the accident so you would have a chance to meet.

Everything was going fine and the instructor was walking around the room encouraging, pointing out things we should or shouldn't do,  until he came up to the woman and everything got really quiet.  Her face was all red and she seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of time clearing the mouth of her dummy.  Her finger was actually stuck in there.  The instructor had to perform a fingerectomy and he just got her free when we heard him gasp and shout at the woman,  "You lost your gum in his mouth didn't you?  DIDN'T YOU???"  She kept insisting she hadn't.  He tried to grab the dummy and she grabbed it back.  They were tug-of-warring back and forth.  He was trying to walk away with the dummy but she would not let go so he kind of had the dummy underneath the arms and she was holding onto the waist and he was pulling her across the floor.  She got some awful rug burns before she finally let go.   There was smoke and everything.

The instructor was shaking the dummy and holding it up and listening to it and you could hear this "clunk clunk" inside the chest.  He turned it over and was thumping it on the back and doing the Heimlich manoeuvre again and nothing.  I thought perhaps the dummy might have inhaled a piece of metal from the car crash he was in but no, the instructor said it was gum and the dummy was permanently contaminated and ruined!!

I think he forgot that we are just first aid people, NOT doctors, and we are supposed to refrain from making any type of medical diagnosis, not even if we have dozen of friends who had the exact same thing happen to them and we are pretty sure we know what is going on.

He looked around the class.  Several of the other employees were gathered around the woman where she had crumpled on the rug wrapping her floor burns and practicing other first aid techniques like putting her arm in a sling, splintering her leg and getting a hollowed pen ready to do an emergency intubation in the neck.  I think someone had gone to fetch the jaws of life.

I was practicing French kissing with my dummy.

The instructor lost it and kicked us all out without any certificate for the course or anything.  He took his dummies and went home and we never had any more first aid courses, ever.  Evidently our office was banned by First Aid Canada.  They said we had killed all the dummies.

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I didn't think any of those dummies had much of a chance of making it anyway.   You kind of get a nose for that kind of thing.    They should be looking for the guy who caused the accident and not blaming us good Samaritans who took the time to stop and try to help them even though we knew it was a lost cause.  At least they had someone with them when they passed and didn't die all alone in the middle of the conference room.

SKIN:  * Morphine : Fujin Ivory Skintone
EYES:  IKON Kaleido Eyes - Oil
MAKE-UP:  .:Glamorize:. Minikit 7 - Eyes + Lips + Combo
HAIR:  Vanity Hair::Curiosity-Light Blonds
CUFF:  [CERES] Dali's Cuff - Mixed Silver
EARRINGS:  [WandB] Fabric Covered Earrings WATERY FLORAL
RING:  Swallow: Handmade Ring
PURSE: Karisma handbag
SHOES:  Essenz - Athens (Pink)
PANTS:  SAS - Disco Glitter HUD Pants
TOPS:  SAS - Nicky HUD Tops
POSES:  Bauhaus Movement  Lada 1, Fashion Windmill Desert, sfc/sannow

Sunday, February 22, 2015

A Walk In The Wild.

creme brulee 1

I went to some lovely Botanical Gardens the other day and took the children for a walk exploring with their mother.   Among the beautiful flowers and plants were delightful art pieces with whimsy and colour, unexpected lagoons .... and 50 million screaming flying foxes.

creme brulee 2

Oh wait, 50 million screaming flying foxes and their feces all over the place.  No outrage is allowed for the people who slaved for years to present a work of love and beauty, or for the people who want to attend a beautiful park on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the flying foxes are protected.  It doesn't matter that  they take over wherever they go and destroy everything with their guano.

In the words of the children, "oooooh!"  and, "they stink."   My ears were bleeding from the noise as we had no choice but to walk under the trees where dozens of them squirmed and writhed.  We tried to choose pathways leading away but soon found ourselves in flying fox hell with each path leading us further into the darkness.

The children's mother told me "don't let them touch you because they carry some serious diseases." 

Ok, on what planet do I look like I would let any of them close enough to "touch me?"  

I asked her, "well they avoid people don't they?"   I think I was whimpering a bit, I didn't even care if it frightened the children.

"Oh mainly ya, but sometimes they fly and get stuck in long hair."

I grabbed my hair flying in the wind and pinned it up with spit and dirt and wooden twigs I found on the ground.  I jammed the twigs into my head and hoped they could not smell blood.

I could read.  They had huge signs everywhere stating if you come into contact with them you could die of a couple of deadly diseases but hey look, aren't they cute, don't you want to cuddle them?  Please refrain from doing so.  I tried to picture in my head of a sane person running to cuddle them but having to be restrained.  I tried to picture them in between the baby bunnies and the baby puppies, all cute and cuddly but that ended with the foxes flying off screeching with laughter leaving the ground littered with fuzzy little lifeless bodies.

I "refrained" quite easily.

But then I did more.

I ran.

This is the insanity of the world we are living in.  Let the disease ridden animals take over and protect them at all costs.  Let the humans die.  

I am not going down without a fight.  I will fight the animals for my right to live and breathe and smell botanical flowers.

creme brulee 3

I am pretty confident I can take a fluffy bunny ... or maybe a kitty.

SKIN:  Pink Acid Mixer Skin 02 Special Edition - Peach
HAIR:  CATWA HAIR Silky flat
EYES:  IKON Kaleido Eyes - Oil
LIPSTICK:  {C.C.M.} Candy Lips
MAKE-UP:  Please see designer's preferred elite methods of advertising
BELT:  GeWunjo : DELFINE gold belt
TOP:  [WandB] Rachelle Cropped Bustier ANTIQUE
SWEATER:  DeeTaleZ Tops MESH cardigan snow
PANTS:  Bens Boutique - Maven Leggings - Cream
SHOES:  _CandyDoll_ Odette Nude
PURSE:  REIGN.- Avantii Handbag- Tan
JEWELLERY: (Yummy) Satin Bow & Pearls Set - White
POSES:  Morgane Batista Poses  180 swivel, 180 bread and butter, check girl

Saturday, February 21, 2015

When Pigeons Don't Come Home.

blue rain 1

My brother had a friend who had some homing pigeons.  He thought they were pretty cool and so it wasn't long until he had trapped a couple of his own and was hell bent on outdoing his friend.

Big fail.

blue rain 3

I think the pigeons have to like you in order to want to come home.  His pigeons, once released, fled the scene and evidently took all their friends with them because no matter how many traps he set, he never caught any more.

In fairness to him, almost everything, once released from the farm, ran and never came back.  That's my story to a tea.  Of course no-one was standing in the hayloft with a good feed hoping and wishing and waiting for me to come back either.  Oh wait, I forgot, I didn't flee the scene, they dropped me off in the city, sped off and moved while I was distracted by the pretty lights.

But the pigeons definitely were loved and he wanted them to come home.  They didn't.

I put a  gopher in one of his traps once.  I even stitched him a little sweater and attached wings to it so it was believable that he could fly up there into the rafters of the barn. My brother didn't buy it.  I think the fact the gopher was already dead was probably the give away.  He was devastated.  I told him one of the hired men had done it and hid the knitting wool in his overalls.  He also left the farm never to be seen again.  I think the pigeons may have built an underground network to free people from my brother.  I could be wrong.

But I doubt it.

So my brother not only grew up with the regular male envies, he had pigeon envy.  He whined about it to my grandfather once.  He was like, "Wah wah wah my pigeons left me.  Wah wah wah they never came home."  My grandfather told him, "Buck up bucky, this is a dairy farm, NOT a pigeon farm.  You have cows and the cows come home twice a day to be milked.  Cows never let you down.  Now go put on your cow milking pants and welcome the cows home."

I could have knit cow sweaters with wings attached but frankly, I didn't love my brother that much.  It is probably the saddest tragedy of his life.  

blue rain 2

I'm going to go phone him and remind him. 

HAIR:  .:EMO-tions:. * SHELBY * reds
EYES:  IKON Kaleido Eyes - Oil
SHOES:  NX-Nardcotix Kurvy Pump Black
OUTFIT:  INCLUDES hat, purse  SAS - SnowBitch Black
POSES:  Morgane Batista Poses  Girls Aloud 3 Baoba, 180 ballgown, evane B

Friday, February 20, 2015

It's All About World Peace.

jailbird 2

Having been relegated to staying off my feet, I find myself in a very uncomfortable position of having to ask for help.  

jailbird 1

After explaining to someone that I have been in agonizing pain since December 23rd and was unable to get out of the vehicle to come to their front door, they came down to see me.  Their comment was, after the hug, "what's wrong, you don't look very cheerful.?"

I admit I was at a loss as to what to say being as they had just been told I was on my way to another specialist and was in excruciating pain, AND drugged out of my mind with heavy duty pain killers.

"I'm sorry.  Forgive me forgetting my role in life is to cheer you up. What was I thinking?  I forgot it is all about you.  Knock knock ..."

I am grumpy, and miserable.

Hubby is trying make it easier on me.  He just stopped by my room to ask if I needed anything.  Isn't he sweet?

"World peace," of course that goes without saying but I always say it.  The one time that I don't will be the time they hand out the crown BECAUSE, although it was close, the other girl mentioned world peace and I didn't."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, the worms."

"The worms?"

"I know there is a cyclone coming and all God's creatures matter but I was praying for the birds last night, NOT the worms.  I don't like that God is trying to cheer me up with sick humour.  It isn't funny."

"They can't get into the house."  I know he rolled his eyes.  I could hear it in his voice.  He thinks I am being ridiculous and over-reacting.  But I am not.

You see what I don't get is how the worms all managed to climb out of the earth and make it to the patio and then get into the garage and make it almost all the way to the inner door.  Where do they think they are going?  More importantly how can my hubby not see it?  They aren't just out on a worm strolling loop that just HAPPENS to take them up to our back door and our inner garage door. This is an all out assault.

I am concerned about how they got the garage door opener out of the vehicle and opened the garage door so they could get in, without us hearing anything.  Worms are nowhere near as dumb or innocent as they look.  They either planned it all and probably drugged our food so we slept through the whole thing OR they do emit a high frequency electrical impulse that is not only working to take over our minds, but can operated remote controls ... remotely.

jailbird 3

"I take it you want me to put them back in the yard?"

"They could come back." 
"I want you to kill them."

"World Peace . . . ?"

"If they can't swim they have no business being in the ground. Where do they think the water that falls from the sky is going to go?  If they are just taking advantage of the fact the birds are all hiding because of the cyclone, they are not to be trusted.  They will clearly make their move whenever given the chance."

"I suppose if they get in the house you could step on one and slip and fall and then I would be to blame."

"No, you would be dead.  That is what happens to bystanders, even the innocent ones, should a worm ever touch my foot."

My hubby went to get the worms.  Then I asked him if he could drive me by our friends house so she could come out and see me again.  I bet I look much more cheerful now.  De-worming does that for a girl.

SKIN:  Please see designer's preferred elite methods of advertising
EYES:  Mayfly - Liquid Light Eyes (Rainshower Shadow)
HAT and HAIR:  ::69:: BENI Hair Selection
SWEATER:  AtiK - Nero Sweater
SHOES:  ieQED gerda.flat.sunset
POSES:   Posies  ANTM - Nicole, Magdelena, Whitney 6

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Colour is a Cruel Weapon.

fishy fishy 1

Everyone who knows me knows my house is full of cremes and pinks and whites and lace and flowers and beautiful Victorian touches.  Someone long ago started to buy me angels and my house is full of them.  I am the queen of "pretty."

I have girlfriends who laugh that they only way they know what to buy me is to pick out something they themselves will hate.  I do the same for them because they like earth tones, plain, clean lines etc.  Still we manage to buy each other decent gifts.

fishy fishy 2

When I first got married I soon learned my husband had 3 sisters and a mother who basically all shared the same taste - browns, dark woods, sensible and sturdy, functional furniture.  While each had their own signature embellishments on the theme, their homes were browns and neutrals.  Brown was the accent colour.  

So I was confused when Christmas came and it seemed each sister bought, or made, the other sisters, sister in law, and mother, the exact same thing.  We would open them one after the other.  First one of theirs would be a soft blue macraméd hanging table.  Then a pink one.  A soft butter yellow . . . all with little beads and butterflies and flowers woven in.  I could not wait to open mine.  It was a plain brown one with a wooden table instead of glass.

Sets of dishes .. . pretty little pink and blue flowers, pink and yellow song birds, pastel butterflies . . . and an off white with a brown ring ... mine of course. 

I felt like Charlie Brown.

Year after year it was the same.  I got everything brown even though I am the least likely brown person you have ever met.   No-one would ever buy me brown anything.  Not even the worst boyfriend ever.   I had nowhere to put or use half the stuff they gave me because pink is not on the brown colour wheel. It was not just that what they gave me  was brown, it was  that the gift was always broken, or poorly done, or something.  I tried to be warm and gracious but I must admit I had dreams of revenge.  It is probably a good thing I was attending church regularly back then as constant reminding that "thou shalt not kill" was a good thing.

So life moves on, my husband passed away, and I remarried.   I am now in beautiful Australia and living in a land of colour and vibrant beauty in my pink, and white, and creme house, with lace, and flowers, and angels.  I  watch the beautiful butterflies and birds moving through the trees outside my window and feel like I live in a magical wonderland that feeds my soul daily with heaping spoonfuls of beautiful.   It was like a dream come true that one day when my husband called me to say that there were dozens of butterflies all over our outdoor room.  I grabbed the camera and ran, thinking of the pictures of me surrounded in a sea of colour, running through the gardens, giggling like a child.

They were there, just as he said.  A  whole herd of butterflies that had stampeded into our outdoor room and parked themselves all over the walls and the windows.  I mean what could be more enchanting right? 

Why wasn't I snapping pictures and running through the garden in a gauzy pink dress with my hair streaming behind me, flowing from a beautiful crown of flowers?

I'll tell you why not.

fishy fishy 3

I got brown butterflies.  Huge BROWN butterflies. 

Not funny GOD!!!

Who makes brown butterflies anyway?  Isn't there a law against that kind of thing?  There should be.  Neither butterflies, nor I, should ever, ever, EVER do brown.

THIS is a NON BROWN zone!!!

SKIN:  DeeTaleZ Skin A.T.W. Jule as Hera Mixedtype
HAIR:  CATWA HAIR MissFortune [A]
EYES:  Mayfly - Liquid Light Eyes (Rainshower Shadow)
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
MAKE-UP:  .:GloSSy:. Glam Combo
NAILS:  Candy Nail #P000 Basic Prim Nails Red08
JEWLLERY:  .random.Matter. - Seelie Necklace - Copper @ Fashion Fair
TOP:  Hilly Haalan [hh] Chica Corset Top Antique Lace Pink
JACKET:  Fashionably Dead (fd) Belted Mens Blazer - Blood Orange
LEGGINGS:  *Kookie* Cherry leggings - Red
SKIRT:  Riske - Seduce Leather Mini (Red)  @ Fashion Fair
BOOTS:  *TOXIC* Chelsea Ankle Boots CHERRY
PURSE:  :::LP::: Goldfish_Messenger Bag - Red
HAT:  *COCO*_Hat_Red
POSES:   Posies  Kara 2, ANTM Kahlen, ANTM Fatima 4, ANTM Katarzyna 4

Friday, February 13, 2015

I Had The Time Of My Life.

ah Paris 1

We had our own Eiffel tower on the prairies.  We were pretty excited to get it - some kind of telecommunications tower stuck right there in a wheat field.

The thing is that none of the farmers seemed to even notice.

That is what happens to you when the wheat seeds get into your boots and sprout and grow into your body and overtake your brain.  Your head is kept  fixed solidly on the combine and your whole world becomes straight lines etched into your field.

Some of those farmers could be savants with a little practice.

ah Paris 2

But we noticed.  We, the younger generation, hungry for a world beyond the wheat fields and the cow patties, we noticed.  We saw the tower and it beckoned to us, whispering to us in our sleep, daring us to see it. 

No vision is more clear and focussed than that which has been heightened with a 26er of Lemon Gin, fueled by the promptings and the dares of those you both hate and love the most ... your fellow farm captives.  We were the youth of the wheat . . . not unlike the children of the corn, only more dangerous because we had gluten.   So we answered the call of the tower, that night long ago, one hot summer night,  the week before we were supposed to go back to school. 

Some would say it was the madness of a summer . . . our misspent youth.  None of us had any change left between us and nothing to show the money we had clearly lost probably because we never even knew we had any.   Lucky someone had a bottle of lemon gin that we could drink to bolster our courage which had to be lacking after another loser summer without even a hickey to show for it.  Going back to school knowing our first english assignment would be to write about our summer vacations and that 12 years of that essay trying to make "jack squat" sound different and grammatically correct had drained us all.  We had one last kick at the can and this was it.

First we drank the lemon gin.  Then we got in our cars and drove.

We pulled up into the wheat field and stood in awe of the tower.  Lit up in the night and that close, it towered above us, shaming the wheat with its pathetic attempts to rise and smell sweet even with the wind coming right behind the rain.  And we said "Yeeow! Aye-yip-aye-yo-ee-ay! Come on my honey lamb and I, let's not just watch the hawk making lazy circles in the sky . .. . let's climb this sucker!"

And we did.

Well I did.

The rest of the whiney babies got up about 1/4 of the way and when someone lost their shoe they all got scared and climbed down and started screaming at me that I would probably die and I should come down right now.

I can't be sure but I think there was a bunch of people square dancing at some barn raising in the distance.  The music was like a drum in my head because everyone knows that square dancing and its music is the gateway drug into Satanism.  I was possessed. 

 I climbed to the first little landing, and then the second, booted the hawk out of the way, was grateful not to be tethered down by any honey lamb,  and kept climbing.  I was going to touch the moon.  Lemon Gin really helps you reach for the stars but in a practical kind of way . . . I knew the stars were a ridiculous, impossible goal.  The moon was definitely do-able.

I'd like to say I touched it but I don't remember anything after I passed out on the upper level.

They say the fire department had to come from the city and everyone was there.  They finally had to get a helicopter and put me in one of those beds they attach to the end of a rope and swing you through the air while flying off at high speed.  Damn I missed all the good bits.

They say I threw up a lot.

ah Paris 3

I woke up in the hospital.  I had a heck of a headache ... not so much from the alcohol as from the lectures on blood alcohol limits and how I could have died and what was I thinking blah blah blah.  Parents always want to contain kids.  They bubble wrap us against life and talk about how we were so lucky something awful did not happen.

But it didn't.

I climbed the Eiffel Tower and touched the moon.  I flew through the sky. 

I got to miss 3 days of school.

Best time of my life, ever.

SKIN:  [ S H O C K ] Janis Holidays Skin - Group Gift
HAIR:  .:EMO-tions:. * NEFERTITI * brown
EYES:  Mayfly - Liquid Light Eyes (Rainshower Shadow
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
MAKE-UP:  -Errant- Bolly Makeup 1
NAILS:  Adoness - Princess Mia S:10 - Pink
RING:  Son!a Forever Ring
EARRINGS:  Bliensen + MaiTai - Yasemine  Earrings with HUD
OUTFIT:  {Indyra} Dandridge
SHOES:  Maitreya Gold * Zest Pumps Black
POSES:  Ma Vie
Location of Photos:  Champs Elysees

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

I Am A Magician. Can't You Feel The Magic?


I like to do magic tricks when people are least expecting it.   It keeps people on their toes and also makes them a little more scared of you.  Taking off all your clothes and running around a room with a frog dangling out of your mouth can only get you so far . . . magic unloads the big guns.


Weddings are one of the best venues you can play because there is such a variety of people there and everyone is dressed nice.  Also there is usually an unguarded microphone that you can grab while everyone is distracted watching the bride and groom get married.    I get started right away.  Like when the waiters come around to fill the water glasses I like to quickly empty my glass into my mouth and then when the waiter comes back to you,  they look at your glass and realize it is empty.  I just shrug  (because my mouth is full of water)  and they get really confused because they know they filled my glass  but now it is empty.  They usually go, "what happened to the water?"  And then I point over at someone across the room and  when they turn to look I spit the water all back into the glass.  Then they turn back and see the full glass and they are like, "whoa, how did that happen?"  And I go, "Magic!"

You can't buy that kind of awe.

Once I hid a cornish hen in my mashed potatoes and they were all worried because I did not get any meat.  Everyone was running around and then just when someone was about to be fired I pulled the hen out from under the mashed potatoes.  Everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.  It wasn't exactly magic but the atmosphere can make it seem like it could be.  This is especially true if they have twinkle lights and there is a bunny that escaped from the petting zoo running around.  If I see one I like to hold my hat and tell people I pulled him out earlier before they got there.  Then people feel really bad that they did not get new batteries for their watch so they could be there on time.

The biggest magic trick I ever did was when I sawed my brothers dog in half.  Everyone was screaming and could not believe it.  My brother was crying.   My grandma was crying . . . the bride screamed that the blood would never come out of her dress . . .  

Some people forget that magic is all about illusion and a good magician pulls everyone into the trick, totally making them believe what is not real, is real.  We make them think they are seeing something they aren't.   I told everyone not to worry.  I was a professional. 

I am a professional.


I just had never done the trick before.

The dog died.

Magic is a hard life and the cost can be great but I think they all thought it was worth it.

SKIN:  -Glam Affair - Ellie skin - FLF ( Asia & Jamaica )
HAIR:  Magika [01] Intended
EYES:  Mayfly - Liquid Light Eyes (Rainshower Shadow
LASHES:  ::TB:: Black Dahlia Lashes NLA
LIPSTICK:  Morphine [:ME:] Sapphire Lips (04 Dark)
DRESS:  *LpD* - *Courtney* Dress Blue (Mesh) Fashion Fair
SHOES:  Latreia- Roxy Paisley
BUBBLES AND POSES:   HPMD* bubble chairs

Monday, February 9, 2015

Out Foxing the Best of Them.

red fox 1

In order to navigate Social Media you have to understand the language.  The most basic rule is that EVERYTHING relates back to high school.  Here are some examples:

"Hubby is so sweet, he surprised me tonight with roses and took me for dinner and dancing.  That's the third time this week."

Hidden message:  "I have a husband.  A great husband.  Screw you people that were so mean to me in high school.  Who's the loser now? LOSER!!!"

red fox 2

"My daughter just drooled, is that not the cutest thing ever?"  (accompanied with a  picture of  some kind of a blanket bundle in some kind of a carrier.  I guess you might be able to make out a face in there if you have a magnifying glass handy and are good at Photoshop but more importantly the picture is of a kick ass kitchen with every modern appliance known to man.  Everyone forgets the baby (because they cannot see the baby) and says things like "OMG is THAT your KITCHEN?  WOW!!" to which the poster replies, "Oh, ya ... We are hoping to be able to remake it soon, it is kind of outdated but ya, sorry it is such a mess, I didn't even think of that when I took the pic. LOL!)

Hidden message:  "Screw you people that were so mean to me in high school.  Look at all this cool shit I have in my incredible kitchen!  Look at this expensive baby carrier.  Who's the loser now?  LOSER!!!"
"Just a random pic of me this morning."  (pic with make-up, wind blown hair, sun rays ....)

Hidden message:  "Screw you people that were so mean to me in high school.  Who's the loser now? LOSER!!!"

Then there are the completely uncharacteristic random post in response to a nothing post. Someone posts a picture of a wedding and somewhere in the drunken crowd dancing the night away, back behind the bride and groom and grandma, is a red haired woman.   "Oh, this so reminds me of the other day.  I was just saying to the homeless people I was feeding at the soup kitchen today that I really loved watching "I Love Lucy" with my grandma when I was a kid."   Always happens after a friend of a friend was on the evening news with a bazillion hits on their post about feeding the homeless people in a soup kitchen.    

Hidden Message:  "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!!!!  I am not only screwing all you people who were mean to me in high school - you losers, I am doing socially relevant stuff too."

red fox 3

"My son, (insert any boys name here, I will use "Jerkwad" because it is my blog and I think it is a really appropriate name for the boy)  won the State Triathlon for the Highest Paid Lawyers of America.  We are so proud of him because he stopped in the middle of the race and helped a homeless person he saw lying in a doorway and took him home to his billion dollar home with a kitchen full of the neatest, most expensive gadgets ever.  He cleaned him up, gave him some clothes, got him a manicure and a haircut, fed him soup and motivated him with a neat power point presentation to give up alcohol.  He then went and finished the face and he STILL managed to come in first.  He was so surprised.  He said he only went back to complete the race because he is not a quitter and in case there was any of the other racers who might have fallen that he could help carry over the finish line.  When they told him he had won, you could have knocked him over with a feather.  God sure works in mysterious ways."  

Hidden Message:  "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!!  Screw all you people who were so mean to me in high school.  Even my son is better than you now.  Who's the loser now?  Loser! "

I wonder how many kids have been kicked out of their homes because they have not furthered their actions are not marketable enough on Social Media.  Can you trade up for a better model?   Can you hire a kid to play the role of your successful Doctor Daughter, married with triplets, mother of the year for the feminists of the world, currently serving as Ambassador of Papua New Guinea?  Is there a stock site for children who can impress and amaze?

I can't wait until Facebook offers that as an option to help promote your posts.  "Do you want to pay $500 to swap out your existing friends and families, with better looking, more successful people?  Do you want all your old pictures deleted and replaced as well?"

The only good thing is it will mean the end of all the high school reunions.  Who could even remember all the lies you have told just so you have the most "likes?"

Eat that!  Losers!

SKIN:  *JeSyLiLO*:::Nieve:::*LightSkin*
HAIR:  .:Vive Nine fiore :. MAISHA Hair
HAT:  Xen's Hats Bradley Fedora (Mesh)
EYES:  Ibanez Ltd Edition Natural  Eyes - Ebony
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
LIPSTICK:   Pink Fuel [PF] Elly - Glam Lipstick - (Coral Splash)
MAKE-UP:  .:: BDBA ::. PEACE on EARTH GIFT [Wear & Touch ]
EARRINGS:  1992 illmatic :: Square'd Earrings - Onyx/Onyx
BAG:  LaVian  [LIV-Glam] Fall 2012- Jackie O Suit -

SHOES:  SLink Sydney II Stilettos Red
POSES:  Posies  ANTM Erin, Kara 2, Kara 3

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Peeling Back The Layers of Friendship.

a little slip 1

You know that one "friend" we all have.  Well, I am not completely convinced she is anyone's friend.  She is always there, always front and centre but who really brought her?  And who really knows her .. no wait ... WANTS to know her?

a little slip 2

She's the one who watches around the table in the lunchroom when someone peels their banana and then laughs hysterically and says "You don't seriously peel your banana THAT way do you?"  And banana woman shares looks with the other women at the table like rolling your eyes only NOT rolling your eyes.  Women who are really accomplished know how to do that and only other accomplished women can see it.  Yes, Ninja women  live and breathe among us and have super powers.

And banana woman says of course she peels it that way, doesn't everybody?  And the unwanted woman laughs hysterically and pretends to be shocked when everyone agrees with banana woman.  "OMG you guys are too cute.  Years ago, when I was 12 and hiked by myself from Wisconsin to jungles of Africa and lived off the land for a year I studied the monkeys and learned the proper way to eat bananas.  You NEVER peel it THAT way.  That is just sooo silly but typical of the gaps in our antiquated education system.  I mean, do they ever teach anything really important?   You peel it from the OTHER end and then that way you never get those annoying strings.  Monkeys hate strings and well ... I just assumed everyone had been to Africa, survived the jungle with the monkeys, and knew these things.  I'm so sorry.  I have to keep reminding myself how exceptional I am.  Think about it, the monkeys know that basic logic and we human beings, well YOU human beings, don't.  Isn't that hysterical?"  

More super women ninja powered eye rolling.

Banana woman was picking the banana strings out of her teeth.

Why do these woman always have big breasts, perfect teeth and great hair?  She stood up and pitched her garbage into the pin, from beyond the 3 pointer line, swishing it through, all net.   We all just sat there having a telepathic planning meeting on ways to dispose of a body after you kill somebody.

a little slip 3

The really annoying thing is that the next morning when I went to eat my banana I looked at it, and yes, I turned it over, and tried to peel it from the other end.  By the time I made a crack in the banana skin where I could begin peeling, the banana was basically mush that oozed out into my hand and dropped onto the floor.

When I ran into her in the office she homed in on me like a carrier pigeon in heat.  She smiled at me and asked if I had lost weight and then pointed out I had banana on my shoe.

I hate that bitch.

SKIN:  DeeTaleZ Skin A.T.W. Kimber [Makeup] Mixedtype
HAIR:  [LeLutka]-FRANCINE hair/Naturals
EYES:  Ibanez Ltd Edition Natural  Eyes - Ebony
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
MAKE-UP:  .:Glamorize:. Champagne Combos 1 - 3 Tattoo Makeup Co
JEWELLERY:  Gems & Kisses - Extreme Nobility - Gold - Miniset  (closed)
RING:  Bubblez BB - Treble Ring
NAIL POLISH:  *MC* Slink Avatar Enhancement Nails - Lovely Solids Set
OUTFIT:  PICHI - ELEONORA Outfit [red/black]
PURSE:  welldone.atelier /  Clutch /  red
SHOES:  SLink Sydney II Stilettos Red
POSES:  Posies  ANTM Brittany 2, ANTM Bianca, ANTM Shandi 2

Friday, February 6, 2015

When Your Imaginary Friend is a Home Wrecker

lost cat 1

Every kid has an imaginary friend, just some kids are not as willing to put it out there that they are a fruitcake, as others.

I was totally into fruit caking . . .  at warp speed with a megaphone mouth. 

My brother had a nice polite little dude that took on full responsibility for everything that my brother did . . . not that the grown-ups ever bought it.  Regardless whether it was "Arthur" or Biff, Biff's butt bore the brunt of the behaviour modification attempts.  It didn't do much for the behaviour but it was magical ... in that it made Arthur disappear.

lost cat 2

Just an aside question, if people are so committed to the benefits of spanking why, as an adult, is it used as part of the pleasure in sex games but  not as punishment when you go to jail?  I think the parents need to have a meeting and discuss the multitude of mixed messages they fling at kids and then stand around in their old age throwing their hands in the air and wailing over how the next generation is so out of control. 

I escaped my childhood with a whole basket full of confusion.

My imaginary friend was not a clone of some cute cartoon character or one of the Brady Bunch kids.   She was not the embodiment of my fears or my aspirations.  If she was she would have had to be a giant talking liver or the Boss of Everyone.  She was not a hero or a princess or even an action adventure figure.  She had wild red hair that was more like the hair of troll dolls than real hair.  Her eyes were huge and wild and operated independent of one another and you wanted to pretend she was cute but that was just the kinder part of you trying not to admit she was bat crazy scary. 

Mine came everywhere with us.  She mocked me when I attempted to be wonder kid and she laughed and made stupid faces when I was getting yelled at, frequently causing me to be inappropriate with my snorts.  Snorting when being lectured about how disappointed your grandparents are is not a good look ... I mean it could be a good look while you are doing it ... but the next few nanoseconds following that ... no ..... just definitely no.

I gave up trying to tell people they were sitting on her or they had taken the piece of pie that she had licked all over to mark her territory.  I figured if they died it was not my problem.  You can't spank me for talking about Elspeth one day and expect me to save you from Elspeth the next.  The rule of Elspeth says, "one warning, and then it is every man for himself."  I stayed out of it.  I can't prove it but I am pretty sure she is the reason my Aunt Mary died.  Aunt Mary got this really ugly cat and named her Elspeth.  The cat coughed up a fur ball all over Elspeth's new dress.  First the cat disappeared, never to be seen again, and then Aunt Mary died.  She choked on a piece of soggy pie.  Elspeth was a dog person. 

lost cat 3

I am hoping this "phase" passes soon.  I have a great deal of envy that everyone else seems to have lost their special friends way back when.   For some reason Elspeth is still here.  It is incredibly irritating .  You cannot reason with her, she is adamant that I am the imaginary friend and she is the real person.  She backs that up with the fact no-one ever sees me and that they like her better.  I hate it when people use facts to prove me wrong.

I think imaginary friends should have to at least be kind to the people they haunt.

SKIN:  Pink Acid Skin - Cirra Butterscotch
HAIR:  (Gift) lamb. Group Gift
EYES:  Aphotic Gloom - Aquilius - Ajardo Green
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
RING:  Indy&Co.: Chablis Antique Rings-Silver Peach
NECKLACE:  ::Happy Finds:: Dark Owl Necklace
JACKET: // SEUL \\  Eniko Blazer - Nude
PANTS:  // SEUL \\  Eniko Trousers - Nude
SHOES:  Tres Blah  -tb- Saddle Shoe - Brown Floral
POSES:  Poseur  Manga 10, 3 and 4