Wednesday, February 4, 2015

I Was Held Hostage by LL and Lived to Tell The Tale.

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I logged in this morning to find myself at party central with several dozen random hijacked souls that Linden Lab threw together in the latest social experiment part dating game, part gladiator, and part flash mob. 

One of these events is never quite complete without a few naked people.  It is an opportunity for your mother, somewhere in heaven, to get in one last "I told you so" regarding finishing up your work before you go to bed even when that work involves being in bed with someone and logging off before you had a chance to put the penis and vajayjay away and slip on a respectful dress in keeping with your exalted status of being a very high ranking, cultured fashion blogger.  Not that there weren't a few dozen panicked people so busy trying to cover up their own orgasmic screaming naughty bits when I landed.  I doubt they even noted the rest of us participating in chorus with them , a sort of impromptu flash mob.  That is probably all that saved me from being the star of next week's SL Secrets (note to self, go back some time when it is less crowded, find way to attract more attention to self.) The lucky person who gets the goods is most likely going to be up for  the SL  literary awards for investigative journalism.

If there is a chance that none of that is even true or possible could you keep it to yourself please?  I like my comments on my blog to further my illusions regarding life and especially myself.

It probably is not that big a deal anymore.  Nobody rezzes these days  and all their naughty bits are there hanging in the air for anyone to see even when they actually did follow their mom's advice and manage to put their clothes back on before they went out shopping.  I have to actually look at the other pics on flickr to remind myself what people in SL look like with clothes on and naughty bits proper sized and in place instead of just a gigantic penis hanging in the air.  We used to call that "griefing" when giant penises appeared and often whisked you off into the SL heavens.  None of the new penises go to heaven anymore.

Anyway I was fully dressed.  (thank you mom, love you, mean it, sorry about the gravestone, I really did try to fight for the more expensive one but the slightly used one for "Mo Thermo" was on sale and Uncle John did a pretty good job of scratching birds in strategic places and ending up with Mo(bird)Ther(bird,bird).)

I landed, realized I was not in Oz, due to the presence of  people totalling more than just me and also my typing was not echoing.  My protection orb was not yawning and reporting ... "nada ... Just like yesterday . . . and the day before etc, really I am wasting my life being your protection orb.  People have to know you exist to try and get next to you.  That is not happening.  Not now.  Not ever!"  I realized it was another LL party trying to deflect us from the fact they broke SL and our homes were not where we left them and until they found them and put them back, there was going to be a whole lot of forced partying going on.

I grabbed a cheese ball and a beer.

My sound was jacked up and I landed in the cacophony of a man yelling out, "baby, Ima gonna te' you what cho can do and what cho ain' nevah gonna do.  You ain' nevah  comin' roun' heah and axin' me 'bout my biznez when it be MY biznez.  You got dat?  MY biznez be all about me which is why it be referrenced to as MY biznez.  If it be about you it be YO' biznez and it aint.  My house.  My bizniz.  The only biznez of mine you can concern yo'sef wid is the laundry, the cookin' and the bedroom service.   Yo's got to git busy fetchin'  me beer  . . .  or my slippers . . .  or my momma if I be needin' her.   I be lettin' yo know when yo ass is on duty in my bedroom and aint no need of you to eveh show up other than those days you on duty.   I got women, lots of women jes waitin' to tend my biznezz so you better watch yo' ass.   I ain' got time for uppity bitches that be thinkin' they gonna tell me what my bizniz is all about.   Yous betta understand that this niggah ain't playin' any mo game witch no skinny assed bitch who don' know her place.  Damn girl you is playin' my mind fo real!"

 I lost some of what he said because there was all this noise in the background of someone else yelling at him and he was carrying on the argument there in his real life and the one going on at the LL party.  Then it sounded like he started picking up stuff and throwing it, with the microphone tucked under his armpit or something.  I am presuming the heavier things were probably some of the "other bitches" who were also in his way and not fetchin' according to the rules.

And then there were two hysterical females speaking at the same time .  I am pretty sure this was the "non bizniz minding bitch" he was referring to, and her girlfriend.   It is always hard to tell in these conversations if they are actually conversing or doing a one act show competition where the winner is the one who can yell the loudest and drown out the other one completely.  Both of them seem to take the other trying to answer or say anything as an incentive to repeat the last thing they said over and over and over, louder and louder and louder.    No matter what  the "bitch" said,  he yelled,

"Yo' is playin' my mind!"
"Yo' is playin' my mind!"
"Yo' is playin' my mind!"

 The ladies were going at it too.   One was crying and the other one kept screaming, "Give him what he wants.  Just give him he what he wants.  You have to give him what he wants! " Then she started clapping out the words.

"GIVE him what he wants."
"Give him WHAT he wants."
"Give him what he WANTS."
"Girlfriend, you got ta' giv 'em what he wants!"

She had real rhythm.

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And motor mouth man kept going and I accidentally clicked the teleport home button and teleported and the voices faded out as I landed back in  the 3P deficit zone.  No People, no Party, no Penises.    No-body was even trying to tell me what my biznez was.

My ears were ringing.

I was back in my empty house, on my empty land and the silence was mocking me.  I pulled out one of those little characters that follow you around.   It told me it was hungry.  So I fetched it a beer.

And I wiped a tear from my eye and wondered if I should teleport back to the party and get a couple more cheesepuffs, maybe check out some of the penises, or even see if that guy wanted me to call his mother for him.

There are days when I feel so cheated for not being part of the SL dating scene.  Life is just not fair and LL is an ass to shove it in our face like we have no feelings.

I'm crying now.  Hope you are all happy.

SKIN:  Essences {Quinn01} Medium02
HAIR:  *booN KZK736 hair black
HAIRBASE:  Paperbag.Twigs Hairbase
EYES:  Ibanez SmoothGlow Eyes - Teardrop
LASHES:  Angel Rock Eyelash J curl Philisha Lashes
JEWELLERY:  =Zenith=Black Noble Queen Pearl Stone
RING:  Paper Couture P.C; Water Over Wine Ring
GOWN:  [LeLutka]-OMAN gown/blossom
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