Thursday, March 5, 2015

Because I Am A Girl.

lonesome when you go 1a

My brother went on a really long train ride once.  It was pretty exciting.

I was the one who got to help him pack and get everything ready.  He was going to take the train  to California so he could go to Disneyland.  We had relatives down there who would be more than happy to have him stay with them and show him around.  I was pretty bummed that only he was chosen to go but it was pointed out that he was older than I was, AND he was a boy. 

My being a "girl" was the final nail in many an unplanned coffin that contained bits and pieces of my "never got to experience" childhood.  

lonesome when you go 2a

I could live with it or end up living with the nuns in the remote north of Saskatchewan.  None of us were Catholic but the nightmare of the nuns was shared among all faiths.  I can't be sure, but I think the whole interfaith movement/collaboration might have got its start from that very fact.  We shared our demons long before we ever got around to sharing our charity.

I packed my brother's things and tucked in some tasty treats for him to eat along the way.  I had no experience with train food and was not sure we could trust that they would feed him properly.    I walked him to the station and waited with him there until the train arrived and he was in his car, all settled.  I waved goodbye until the train was out of sight and then I walked slowly home.

I don't remember the exact moment when everyone else started to miss him, but I do remember a lot of running around and screaming and looking in the slough out behind the granaries.  

They didn't find him.  

After about a week someone got around to asking me if I had seen him .

And I had.

A week earlier when I tried to stop him from running away.  I saw him jump the train with his suitcase and disappear out of sight.  He said he was heading to California to go to Disneyland and I tried to tell him no trains from here went there but they knew my brother, he always thought he knew everything.   I let them know that I warned him not to mess with Grandpa but he was pretty cocky.

They asked why I had not said anything and although I was tempted to remind them they never asked, me being just a "girl" and all, I explained the truth . . . that he had threatened me that if they ever came looking for him and found him he would say that it was all my idea, I told him my grandparents were sending him and that I even packed his suitcase and put food in it for him to go.  

I confessed I had put food in his suitcase when I knew he was going to go no matter what I said because I was so afraid that he would get lost in the middle of nowhere and starve to death.  

Then I cried.  I cried a lot.  I cried because even if you hate the tools you are given, you learn to work with what you have.  I was revving the whole girl thing ... to death.

It took another month to find him.  He was wandering the prairies in Manitoba, eating pemmican and wearing a rabbit skin jump suit/skirt ensemble.  I was a tad disappointed, in myself mostly, that I have packed any food at all.  Had I not done that, he might not have ever made it back. 

My good nature "girl" heart gets the best of me sometimes.

Personally I think the whole event made a man out of him and helped him turn that corner from childhood.  He didn't wander around dreaming of spinning tea cups and princesses anymore.   The innocence, all those illusions ... were shattered.  He learned that sisters can be damn scary.

He was pretty much consumed with a single goal  . . .

. . . to get even. 

I told him the wilds can do that to a person, play tricks on their mind, and that he was completely wrong about my involvement.  I think he either bought it eventually, maybe gave up on trying to get even, or just forgot about it, forgave me and moved on.  I can't say for sure but I do know that it was right around then that I lost all respect for "men" and decided that being a "girl" was probably the better choice anyway.  We would never forget or forgive AND if the shoe were on the other foot not only would we have been able to walk a cat walk in total pain, we would have gotten even and then some.   We can get do all that even when the whole situation is completely our fault.    It's where you are guilty as hell but you can act innocent and are the injured party at the same time.

lonesome when you go 3a

It is called multi-tasking.

Because I am a girl.

Discussion ended.

SKIN:  Glam Affair  Alice Jamaica - ShinyShabby 03
HAIR:  ""D!va"" Hair "Emilie"(Brown diamond) @ ShinyShabby
EYES:  IKON Kaleido Eyes - Oil
LIPSTICK:  Tessa gloss - magenta
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POSES:   Bauhaus Movement  My Shoes, Hekate, Nanny Bunny
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