Friday, May 1, 2015

Another Gore-y Inconvenient Truth.

hip and aware 1

In Canada we like to disguise our poverty.

Take pop, for instance.

hip and aware 2

We drink a lot of it.  And then we throw away the cans and bottles.  But we give money back for the bottles when people hand them in.  Hey don't judge us, we get bored and we have to make games with what we can.

People used to throw bottles and cans  out the windows of their speeding cars along the highways.  They weren't even trying to hit anything, not a gopher to help the farmers, not a buffalo to have food for the winter, and not even a fence post to prove their skill.  They often even missed the ditch.  And the ditches there are very big.  It could have been a great game but we made up for it with the whole Pick-Up-Bottles game that followed.

People would come along and collect the bottles out of the ditch.   The government allowed that because they are very smart and compassionate.  First of all the ditches needed to be cleaned and politicians are way too busy building new, more durable, fences to sit on.  Second of all it costs way more money to  pay people to pick up the garbage, sooo ... you let the poor people do it and give them a few pennies for each bottle.  Then when people drive along, especially the tourists,  instead of going, "oh look, how sad, there is a poor person having to pick bottles out of the ditches in order to have money, what kind of country is this," people say, "oh wow, those/us Canadians we are so swell and 'green conscientious' they/we are out there picking up garbage, even before the rest of the world is screaming green and before Al Gore was out of diapers." 

Ok I confess some people said, "Al who?"

No-one had their dinner ruined by seeing messy ditches or poor people.  The government was sensitive to the fact so many of us Canadians already had tough things to deal with at dinner time ... Like the cost of garbage bags for them to scrape their left over food into.  Especially on holidays.  People had problems scraping enough food to feed half their neighbourhood for 8 weeks into the garbage after Thanksgiving, because everyone said, "better save room for the dessert buffet and not eat anymore of the main meal."  How could you ask them to lift their heads from their dessert buffet to reflect on the sight on poor people bottle picking out of their ditches???

Rich people could feel really swell that they threw their bottles and cans out of the windows because it meant they cared about the poor people out there and were doing their bit.  They felt really swell-er if they drank lots of pop, and some did, they were that committed.

Not to mention the great feeling when your car is not messy because you have empty bottles in it.  I hate that annoying clinking sound when they roll around on the floor and bump into each other when you are driving.

But then it all changed and suddenly there were too many poor people and not enough bottles to go around and there were fights in the ditches in Canada.  It was no longer safe to hang out in roadside ditches because gangs of homeless people banned together and staked their territory, to try and control the recycle trade.

And then there were even more poor people and we were not throwing our bottles out of the windows of our car anymore.  We were keeping them, and putting them in a big box when we got home, that we kept locked safe in the garage and filled with all out bottles and cans and took back ourselves when they got full and kept the money so we could buy more pop.

And all kinds of charities, sent out cute kids to beg us for our pop bottles so they could feed the poor who were too weak from hunger to go to the ditches anymore and needed someone else to try and help them.  We all lied and said we didn't have any bottles to give to the cute little kids and then made sure our own kids buried our bottles in the back yard in the middle of the night when no-one could see so that they were safe until we could take them into the bottle depot.  And we wore disguises when we went to the bottle depots and we trained ourselves not to scream and dance with excitement when we got anything over $15.00 back.

And then the unthinkable happened ... people stopped drinking so much pop.

And then they stopped driving so much.

Then some of them did not even have cars and those that did were probably living in them.

And now they are all sitting around a candle, trying to keep warm in the middle of summer because Al Gore screwed up the whole season thing and nice weather with his Global warming movie and they are hungry and THEY HAVE NO POP!  And now the Canadians are mad at the Americans because they birthed Al Gore and then let him out of the country to damage everyone's weather.

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But we have nice clean ditches and the air is much better without so many cars.

And some really awesome fences got built for the politicians who got really rich as they sat.

And I think this may be a conspiracy theory and I am sorry if I scared the heck out of you but someone has to talk about pop because we were all supposed to be singing, the whole world .. that is what they promised .. and now this ....

Someone should probably star the heck out of this article and make sure David Icke sees it.

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