I got talked into having this older couple sing at our wedding. They were significant to my husband.
They were going to sing "Sunrise, Sunset" From Fiddler on the Roof.
The wedding went fine, apart from the flower girl who was doing a mean interpretation of the future in which a half naked woman wearing cones on her breasts and her underpants over her other clothes would prance around a stage in front of millions, "Vogue-ing." When I whispered to her during the ceremony, asking what she was doing, she informed me she was "being a tree." Her mother told her she need to stand tall and straight and quiet like a tree. Being a creative child she was channeling a tree except one in a violent windstorm with a fierce strobe light back lighting everything.
We managed to get to the part where we broke to go over to do the registry. We signed everything, finished the pictures and stood to listen to the song . The couple stood up by the grand piano and I think the woman got out "could this be the little ....." before she broke down sobbing hysterically, leaning over on the piano, forgetting that a mic right next to your mouth sometimes makes this annoying sound that shatters tupperware. Cheerios and grapes went flying everywhere - we had a lot of children whose parents came prepared with things to stuff in their mouths if they got too loud. It was like a peanut scramble only with cheerios and grapes and kids in crinolines and grandparents who suddenly jumped to life to grab the kids and/or the escaped food, apparently hungry and in need of a distraction from the boring wedding and the sobbing woman at the piano.
I lost one of the bridesmaids to a cheerio. We last saw her diving under one of the pews and she never resurfaced.
The woman cried and the man carried on. Having the entire song sung with just his harmony part was quite a treat. I liked how professional they all were - the pianist and the man ... having the show go on ... no matter how loudly the woman wailed. I am not sure why it did not occur to her to turn her mic off, and sit her butt down but no ... she stayed right up there, through the whole song, sobbing, and then trying to sing a few more words ... and then losing it again. And those two men just kept right on going. Lesser professionals might have also sat down quietly, taking the woman with them ...
Was it wrong that I prayed for lesser men during my own wedding?
I was going to give my husband back ... really. I mean I loved him and all but I don't think my love could hold a candle to what she was expressing.
My husband wouldn't let me.
And then there is that whole thing about an undeniable sign from God.
Meanwhile tree girl was doing her stilted ballet and had moved to front and centre, her flower basket winging up over her head, the flowers falling out, complete with the green waterey florist goop that kept the flowers fresh. Her hair took on this sort of diarrhoea greeny grey streaks that glowed and the minister jumped to try and protect the polished wood floors from ruin. The mother rushed up to retrieve the" tree" and stepped on an escaped grape and slid forward before flying face first towards the feet of the minister and the tree girl. Perfect tackle. All of them on the floor, covered in baby rosebuds, baby's breath, cheerieos, grapes and green goopey pond scum florist crap. Meanwhile the man was also becoming emotional and the song ended with the pianist bringing it home with a moving crescendo with both soloists sobbing hysterically, and the bodies up front trying to disengage one another. My husband's hand was turning blue as all circulation had ceased due to my hand pretending it was his neck and I was choking him .
What I love most about weddings is how everyone smiles and pretends it was lovely and everyone kisses. No-one talked about the dead tree, the woman who left a mascara slick from the piano all the way down the aisle and out to the parking lot, or the damaged chapel that looked like a bomb had gone off. Everyone smiled and said it was sweet I was crying ... Love does that too you and I was just overly emotional on my special day. When I managed to choke out a few words .. "tree ... Cheerios .... Ruined .... Mommmmmmy ,..... People patted at my cheeks and said, no, no, it was fine, no-one noticed a thing."
I have the wedding pics. They were all noticing.
I hate my family.
I hate trees
And I absolutely hate that song ... whatever it was ...
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