Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Big Announcement.


Overdressing is an art.

I had an aunt who pronounced it so.  She was big on both announcements and pronouncements.  I liked to call her "Megaphone Mouth," but only in my head when I was heavily tin-foiled and no-one else could hear.    She announced when she was going to die.  She spent her life like that so starting the afterlife with one big announcement made perfect sense.   She announced what she was doing, what everyone else was supposed to be doing and what was going to happen to those who were not doing what they were supposed to be doing.

sunrise 2

I suppose some people imagined she had some kind of second sight but I caught on early.  She would announce that the ladies sewing circle should be using the crystal punch bowl for the Evening in Paris Dinner as it was much more tasteful and elegant than the silver one Mrs. Eden suggested.  They would have a vote and she would smile through clenched false teeth and thin lipsticked lips that somehow she managed to bend into a semi smile despite the taut well trained muscles that held that part of her face in a permanent scowl,  that, "yes, of course the majority vote has to be considered and silver it was."  But then she would sigh and say she wished the horrible pit in her stomach would go but it wouldn't.  She had a feeling, a really bad feeling ....  Then her one hand would fly to her forehead, the back of the thin gloved claw pressed against a temple and she would say, "I don't know why God burdens me with knowing these things, but he just does."

All the other women  would pretend not to hear her for a couple of reasons.  First they would be busy  getting the silver punch bowl down and shining it up while whispering about ways they might be able to get rid of my aunt, and secondly because they were really stupid.

The evening would come, the silver punch bowl filled with punch, people drank it, and people died.  Well they wish they had died.  The hospital had to annex a circus tent from a traveling show  to accommodate all the people for a few days.

And my aunt smiled a genuine smile - requiring even more muscle control, and accepted offerings from people who assured her they never doubted her for a second.

That was when I learned that anyone could be a psychic or God's messenger if they were prepared to sacrifice others to further their own cause.  Oh ... and had a 1-800 number of course.

So once she announced she was going to die ... and after the cheering and celebration quieted down ...she arrived at her bed, every night, dressed to the nines, full make-up, hair coiffed.   Her hubby was not allowed to touch her or move in the bed in case he "mussed" her up.  She was going to be meeting St. Peter, and later God, and she intended on making a good first impression. 

She was really good at explaining to us that being well dressed was your ticket to the best table in life.   Of course she insisted everyone would want the table with all the other well dressed people.   She was ALWAYS seated at the best table.

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I spent a good portion of my childhood trying to figure out why anyone would want to sit for the whole of eternity  at a whole table full of shallow minded loons like my aunt.

SKIN:  7DS  Temperance Skin Fair Special
FEET:  SLink
NAILS:  [Bamboo] Nails - Blood Red
HAIR:  ETD Sofia
EYES:  Egozy.Eyes Enigmatic   dark brown
EARRINGS:  GeWunjo Jewelry Earrings : FELIPA
BELT:  GeWunjo Jewelry Belts : Sandra black
TOP:  SYSY's Ruffle tank
JACKET:  {Karma} Power Shoulder Jacket Butter
SKIRT:  {Karma} Wearable Art Pencil Skirt Butter
CLUTCH:  GizzA - Mesh Clutch Bags [Red Flower]
SHOES:  Flame Fashion--Shoes orange

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