I knew a woman who called her kids Heather, Laurel, and Flora. Like somehow they had no choice but to be flowers, fresh picked blah blah and so they grew up to be technically perfect and boy were they good at being arranged. I think the woman shopped for vases before the birth of each child. Yes, she was a forward thinker.
She may also have been kidnapped as a child and brainwashed with the Disney School of Brainwashing responsible for all the Mousketeers who are now fronting the Illuminate or the Girl Guides. I get those two confused all the time. I think those were the name of the fairies in one of those Disney programs ... or the three little pigs or something. I sucked at history.
The only problem was that the girls grew up to have personalities more like fungi, moss, and bark.
Two of them did ballet and constantly stood there feet posed, ready to leap across the stage of life. They did ballet because they were flat -chested. Nothing says "snotty rich" like ballet pink, and pointed toes can distract one from a a quadzillion other short comings. Training your face to look pinched and snotty is always helped by tight ponytail/bun thingies. The other sister was much more curvy and less graceful. Shar Pei's never achieve that smooth tight eye slit look, no matter how tight their ponytails, and there was a limit to how much toe points could distract when one's partner was crying for his mommy, buried under mounds of tulle.
They took her to Highland Dancing. But it was not as successful as they hoped for. Sheep can scream, especially when pummelled to death by large heavy round objects that unexpectedly break free of their banner in the midst of leaping. Also, the drumming sound as she hopped around on the stage was confusing for the bagpipers who were not used to such a primitive sound and how it could unleash your sexual primal-ness ... especially when there were all those screaming sheep.
At 5 you could say, "well that is wonderful she found a dance that she is good at," but at 17 you sort of thought, "how sick are these parents?" By the time she was in her 50's her parents, several of the audience members had died from embarrassment and compassion for the sheep.
Anyway, the first two married immediately. They were promised to the appropriate "gardeners" at birth and the third was blessed with a hell of a lawsuit when her guy tried to rearrange the seating plan. All 3 were married in lavish expensive ceremonies in exclusive golf clubs - 8 weddings on 5 continents in 2 weeks, to maximize the prospects for happiness and real love and meaning in a world fraught with so many tragedies. Yes, money can buy that ... all those weddings. You thought I meant happiness? Pfft this is not a fairy tale for crying out loud. Grow up.
These types of "precious flowers" were named, determined and sold off prior to birth. There was an empire to be built. Free will was a sin. If they wanted to one day make their own choices, they needed to get busy and have some children of their own ... or steal them from someone else.
Then they moved into big houses in the woods where they all ripped off other people and matured into the full measure of their creations. Poison Ivy, Stinkweed and Thistle.
Yes, they all became pond scum. And they made everyone around them miserable because that is the gift of the rich and the famous. They cannot be happy unless everyone is aware of how unhappy your living and breathing the same air as them, makes them.
Sometimes I like to pack the family in our car and drive by their gated homes and point proudly and tell the kids that we made these people who they are. They are our royalty. We go without so they can have more and we can be reminded how worthless we are and how lucky we are that they allow us to see their razor wire on top of their explosive laden bushes with the electric flowers that can shoot a shaft of hair 10 miles away - thinking about crossing the trenched barriers with the killer sharks.
I like to sing the Circle of Life when we drive by, and sometimes one of the kids dress up like a little sheep and the other one flings Highland, and someone dies.
Don't you love Die-Nasties?
(I promise this medicine will be out of my system within a couple of weeks and I will return to normal. Thanks for all the cards and good wishes. For those of you who did not know I died, there is a fund to raise money for me on my facebook. You can still get in on it. I really wanted to travel the world, at least twice before it was all over. It doesn't matter if you know me or like me, this is about what a good person you are and being able to tell people on Plurk that you donated. )
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