Wednesday, October 14, 2015

My Bat Beats Your Bat, Hands Down

bats in the belfry 1

We have little bats in Canada . . . little teeny bats that could pass for slightly plump moths.

And that crap about them flying into long hair on purpose .. . Pulllease .... Bats are not blind.  In fact, once on a late night trip out by the haystacks to sneak a kiss with my boyfriend, a bat flew into his short hair and skipped mine completely.  Those are respectful bats.  Those are Canadian bats.  

bats in the belfry 2

Sometimes they get into your house and you can swat them out with a fly swatter.  THAT is a manageable bat.

I love Canadian bats.  They recognize fellow Canadians and they show respect.  

We have lots of animals like that.  Take our mosquitoes.  We were at a footy tournament in Canada and there were tons of Aussies and Kiwis there and the mosquitoes descended on them in clouds.  I sat in their midst  with nary a single mosquito anywhere near me and I did not have any repellent on.

I tried to explain it to the Aussies.  That is just the way Canadians are.  We speak peace.  We practice peace.   We simply negotiated with the mosquitoes and told them they could have all the foreigners they wanted and they in turn allowed us our unbroken lily white skin.  I know you can't see me but I am holding up my lily white unbroken skinned arm to the screen right now.  I am pretty sure I can hear the neighbours clapping and if they are not clapping, they should be.  You can clap if you like.

Aussies have hunormous bats that darken the skies with their wing spans.  They hang around in trees, each one looking like a big bunch of bananas from a distance , and up close - like a big scary as hell, hunormous bat.

Every evening, at dusk, there is a bat storm as they head off into the night.  The locals say they eat fruit and bugs but I am pretty sure those stories where cows disappear or they find bits and pieces of them scattered around the farm yard and they blame aliens . . . Australian bats!!

Only they aren't bats, they are flying foxes and that is supposed to make them more cuddly and adorable and believe me people here cuddle them.  You can only explain away so much with "the heat" or "all the beer they drink."  This is way over the line.

bats in the belfry 3

They can cuddle their flying fox/bat/killing machines . . . me, I am going to stick with my standard response to bats and spiders and bugs and snakes and anything with lots of legs or that is wet or icky etc.  That would be screaming and running ... albeit some of the running is on the spot on top of my desk . . . it is still technically running.

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