Thursday, October 15, 2015

Plump Up The Volume

so quiet in the ruins 1

I am not sure about this one but I heard that there is a treatment they use in Bangkok to increase breast size and to reduce wrinkling etc.

Let me describe: Take hands, slap the crap out of face or breasts, repeat, repeat, repeat vigorously, stop, wait a few moments, good to go.

so quiet in the ruins 2

They swear this works.  Women walk in with breasts that every training bra invented have given up and leave with pleasantly plump attractive melons.

I am convinced.   I believe them completely.

Slap anything long enough and it will eventually swell and plump which, by the way, smooths those wrinkles out like nobody's business.  So they need to upgrade their advertising to include plumper AND less wrinkly breasts.

Okay, this is where I insert a story, that at first may seem to have nothing to do with anything. 

My brother once had an allergic reaction to aluminium.  He was putting together an aluminium granary because you can never have too many aluminium granaries on a farm.  He was working on the inside of the granary, while the hired man was working on the outside.   It was just one of his many near death experiences, but I had nothing to do with this one.  Turned out he was allergic to the stuff.

Imagine being allergic to cat fur and being in a room lined with cat fur and very little ventilation.  You have to keep picking up pieces of cat fur and attach it to bigger pieces of cat for several hours.  There is cat fur dust in the air that you are breathing.  It is 90° outside and 120° inside the granary - and the hours tick by and you rub your eyes and you swallow some of the fur and the fur is actually breaking off in bits and entering the skin through the pores and figuring out how to consume a human being.  You get the idea.

He became so swollen he looked like a bright pink balloon with squinty little eyes, some ruffled bits at the end of his feet and his hands, and the rest of him was as smooth as smooth could be . . . and tight!  I could bounce those really hard peppermints off him and they could take an eye out if you had enough practice to get your aim right. My practice time was cut short because my grandmother left half her pack of peppermints in her winter coat pocket.   I tried to tie a string to him and hang him out the ambulance window on the way to the hospital proving only that appearances can be deceiving. He may have looked like a balloon but he didn't behave like a balloon at all.  How was I supposed to know he wouldn't float ... at all ...

Why am I telling you this?   Because this is the big dramatic finish where two completely random things get tied together to make a little point that is a profound life lessons you will always treasure. 

Slapping hurts.   I am thinking you could skip that and just rub aluminium, cat hair, or whatever you are allergic to all over your breasts and face.  No need to hurt trying to plump up ...  In fact, I am going to pack up some old coke cans, the neighbours cat, and a tent, and set up a booth in the mall for facials and boob jobs.

so quiet in the ruins 3

I may not be back depending on how much money I make this aft .  Oh, and don't hate me because I have pleasingly plump breasts.

LASHES:  Angel Rock Philisia

SKIN: 7 Deadly s{K}ins - Shen
EYES:  IKON Kaleido Eyes - Oil
HAIR:  *booN DIS379 hair black
EARRINGS:  (Kunglers Extra) Finrod earrings - Peridot
DRESS:  B!ASTA  [ B! ] :WHITE IS THE NEW BLACK: Beaded back party dress
SHOES:  (Kunglers) Morgana pumps - Metallic heel - Grass
EYES:  IKON  Eternal Eyes - Field
DRESS:  // SEUL \\  Dana Pinned Dress - Navy
HAIR:  Magika - 01 - Hearts Like Ours
NECKLACE:  (Kunglers Extra) Ashanti - Copper
SKIN:  .Birdy. Blair skin ~Dusk~ Darling
SHOES:  -9ty- Pack Animal Print V1
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