Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Art of Losing The Win.

I'll try again next year 1

Aren't our lives blessed by the internet and all the information it imparts?  What I like best is that you can take an idea and run with it.  Someone decides that you can crochet a skirt from old underwear and shows you how to.  You can take that, pick up some old sweat socks and jock straps and make lace to add as an embellishment.  You can see a picture made of beer bottle caps and decide you could also make a wedding dress from them  (and add the lace that you previously made).


I'll try again next year 2

The other day hubby came home and I was wandering around the yard naked.  He ran towards me with the tarp from off the trailer, flapping it in the wind like he was trying to fly, practically throwing it on me as soon as he got close enough to me.  

"What the heck are you doing??"  He was scanning the neighbourhood to see if any of the neighbours were outside but I could have told him they all went inside and pulled their blinds over half an hour earlier.

I smiled, and tried to get a finger in between me and the tarp around my neck so that I could breath, "I'm losing weight."

"What??"

"The internet told me that sleeping naked is really good for you because it can help you to lose weight."

"What a bunch of crap, how would sleeping naked help you lose weight?  And besides, in case you didn't notice, this is not your bedroom, you are not in bed, and at least there you have blankets that cover you."

I rolled my eyes.  He just does not get the beauty of the internet.  It tells you all kinds of amazing, shocking and dramatic stuff and it never ever bogs that stuff down with boring details or facts.  Life on the internet is just a smorgasbord of sensationally meaningless headlines that we can use to plot a fabulous life on our iphones and tablets.  Besides I knew I was not in bed, that was the point but I was pretty sure the tarp was technically much the same as a blanket.  However, in this case it was interfering with my intent to garner a much more rapid weight loss.  

I was talking crocheted skirts and beer bottle wedding dresses and adding jock strap lace.  If lying in bed naked, still as can be, helps you lose weight, imagine what walking around naked could do?  You are naked AND exercising.  Every weight loss diddy I had ever read always said eat or drink this AND exercise.  I was "and exercising" to the naked bit.  Pretty sure I had already dropped a dress size by lunch time.

I was having a great day until hubby showed up and tarped me and took me into the house and duct taped me and the tarp to my office chair in front of my computer.  

He pulled up the internet and typed madly and started pulling up pictures of nudists and nudist camps.  They were play volleyball and swimming and all kinds of things.  He pointed out beer belly's and rolls and dimpled flesh that folded over other dimpled flesh.  "These people LIVE naked and none of them are skinny.   See here, they are being physically active and no skinny happening at all.   Put your clothes back on."

I'll try again next year 3

"Ya well ... only an idiot believes everything he reads on the internet, you know.  Those pictures are probably Photoshopped.  Have you ever heard of conspiracy theories?  I bet these sites are false flag thingy's meant to convince us it doesn't work so we all go buy more clothes.  I think I see a lizard morphing over there in the bushes on that picture.  That guy looks a heck of a lot like Elvis.  I told you he was still alive.   Where are you going?  Come back here!   I have a duct tape wedgie. "

SKIN:  .::WoW Skins::. Charlize
HAIR:  *booN MMK375 hair  and raised corn rows base
EYES:  IKON  Eternal Eyes - Field
LASHES:  Angel Rock Philisia
EARRINGS:  (Kunglers)  Philippa earrings - Jasper
PONCHO:  ::K:: Autumn Knit Poncho Femme Camel
SKIRT:  Marleen Zipped Skirt FashionNatic
BOOTS:  CGG Kismet Black SLink HIGH Compatible Boots  Chez GiGi
POSES:  Di's Opera
LOCATION:  The Secret Affair
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