Friday, January 8, 2016

I Was Hip And Aware Once.

shadow dancing 1

The whole sheep look was big when I hit my teens.


We were not into neat wool or coloured and reconstructed wool made into cable knit moose cardigans or curling sweaters.  We wanted the sheep with the  "just got out of bed look."  We were all about the natural back in the day, which of course completely explains tie dyed clothes, destroying really pristine jeans and making them look weathered and torn, and of course drugs.  But they were drugs we got from the health food store of drugs . . . not some big chain of careless drug dealers who probably mistreated the chemicals and plants and forced slave labour to get them into cute little baggies.  Our drugs had no added preservatives or colourings and were grown in virgin soil in the mountains by monks that chanted and meditated while they worked and who washed their hands in yaks milk before they even got started.  

Just so we are clear that we were responsible drug users.

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We liked the "out of control" wool and hair on our jackets and boots and our vests.  We were big into vests.  You could shred anything and as long as you could put your arms in it .. you had a vest.    Vests could really make any outfit pop . . . especially ripped distressed jeans and dirt . . . our favourite fashion combo back in the day.

I found a vest.  I was walking around in a wheat field one day and I found it lying there and that is when I knew that God was real.  I had prayed for some cool clothes so that I could kick Shirley Anne Mastersons butt in the fashion parade held every morning in the girls washroom.  It was unspoken and no actual physical contact was ever made but many a young girl's self esteem was left shredded and bloodied on that bathroom floor.  It was all in the eyes, the toss of the head, and the subtle snorting that only women can hear.  We would gather every morning and eye each other up and down to see what we were wearing and if you were the best dressed everyone else was your friend that day . . . or they tried to kill you.  We risked it all for a chance to be popular.  We were tough and willing to take the risk.  We DIED to be popular when I was growing up, back in the day, after we finished walking to school barefoot in the snow, uphill ... both ways.

Finding a vest in the field was proof that God loved me most.  I knew that some of the other kids had prayed that God would let a mad cow trample me to death or that a runaway combine might combine me to death.  God had options.  He could not answer both prayers and not get caught out, at least not unless the people praying were really stupid and I guess it does happen sometimes.  I prayed really hard.  I concentrated so hard and shut my eyes so tight that had I been pregnant, I would have birthed a whole tribe of babies.  

I wasn't and I didn't BUT God had clearly appreciated the effort.  It was either that, or somehow my pet cow "Fluffy" that had died the previous year and who loved me dearly had pulled a coup in heaven, had taken over the prayer machine and was answering prayers.  She would have given me anything I asked for.  

I picked it up, thanked God AND Fluffy (just in case) and took it home.  It was a bit dirty so I washed it and fluffed it up a bit and realized it was a miracle because it actually turned kinda pink in the process.  It was like on TV when they put a crown on a princesses head and it shines and everyone knows that she is the fairest in the land . . . except it was vest and couldn't really shine so it was pinking.

I proudly wore it to school the next day.  Talk about making a statement.   When everyone saw me they  stood back and could not even speak.   I rocked the day . . . until my brother ruined it all.

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I got off the bus and was like, "IN YOUR FACE!!  Did you see the way everyone was looking at my vest?  Too Bad Fluffy God did not love you as much as he/she does me and what did he/she drop  out of heaven for you?  NADA!!  NOTHING!!  ZIPPO!!"   I may have gone a little overboard, dancing around taunting him.

He just stood there looking at me and said, "You know you are wearing a dead sheep right?  We lost it about 3 weeks ago and didn't know where it was.  From the smell, I figure the one you are wearing is about that dead."

That moment when you realize that they aren't arm holes at all and that you put your arms through the body of a dead sheep and the pinking was not a lovely extra but dripping blood . . . 

Nevermind that God really does hate you and that Fluffy was a schmuck.

I really don't wanna talk about it anymore.

I have dead sheep cooties.  You never get over those in your life . . . never . . . 


SKIN:  Lara Hurley Skin - Ale
BODY PARTS:  Slink
EYES:  Egozy.Eyes Illuminate Green
HAIR:  *booN HYM015 hair
OUTFIT:  LUXE Paris LILI BLUES Dress
HAT:  Zibska [Group Gift] ~ Rui Noir
JEWELLERY:  (Kunglers Extra) Divinae - silver
SHOES:  [MODA] DIANA GATOR HEELS ~BLACK (ON9 SPECIAL)

SKIN:  DeeTaleZ Skin A.T.W. Faith as Amphitrite Mixedtype
BODY PARTS:  Slink
EYES:  .ARISE. Nona Eyes / LightBlue
LASHES:  Silhouette Babydoll
EARRINGS:  Ariskea  { Indies } Earrings Collections - Green
HAIR:  AD - multipass - splash
PANTSUIT:  Asteria  - Eleanor Strap Jumpsuit - [Lagoon]
JACKET:  Asteria - Eleanor Fur Coat - [Blue]
SHOES:  *TOXIC* - Ultra Stiletto AQUA
  
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