Tuesday, February 16, 2016

February 15th, Get A Life You Romantic Delusional Idiot You - Day

Feb15 1

Guess what comes after Valentine's Day?

A whole bunch of NOT Valentine's Day.  

You can wrap up your hope chest in tissue paper and put it away for another year, this years Valentine's Day, not unlike the recent End of the Earth Barbeque or the Rapture Quilting Bee, was a big non event.

Prince Charming was a no show.

Face it, once the glow is off  that chocolate looks disgusting, no matter how bright and shiny the wrappings they put it in.  Not only is the smoke machine turned off,  there is always a big freaking bowl of disappointment cooking on the stove in place of your usual oatmeal.  It is best served cold, just to make sure you choke on every spoonful.

February 15th has always sucked.  It is the day you realize that your brother got 432 Valentines and you only got 3.  Two of them didn't have any name on them and said, "from your secret friend" written in the same handwriting used on the other one you got that said "from Mrs. Blackwell."  You check the gift box everyone was given from school, supposed to be full of treats that everyone's mother made for the party and realize that several of your cookies already had bites taken, and most of them looked like they were the practice run before the mom got into the real groove of Martha Steward cookie decorating.  A closer look at the Valentine the teacher gave you leads you to realize she actually forgot all about you and cut your "Valentine" out of the picture on the front of the book.  One of the legs of the little lamb is missing and there is a price tag half peeled off.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Knick Knack, Kitty Kat, Looking Back.

kitty cat bag 1

A few years ago a friend stopped over and we ended up sitting in my office talking.  BIG mistake.   I happened to leave Second Life on the screen while we talked and to be honest, I wasn't even sure where I was.  But, as luck would have it, up popped the one thing you never want your feminist friends to ever see.. . a Gorean "couple."

There they were in all their "I-am-your-long haired-over muscled-bare chested-master-kneel-and-worship-me-half naked-while-you-wash the floor-and-practice-the-fruits-of-your- Gorean-masters degree-in kneeling-while-thrusting-breasts-out-poses." 

My friend was like "OMG what is THAT?" (helps if you do this voice in a shocked I-just-stepped-in-dog-doo doo type of scream while holding a cup of coffee that is now half in the cup and the rest on you, the floor, me, and the computer keyboard.  Oh, and if you are a stickler for realism ... really scream and then swear a lot here (in a very attractive female's voice of course).  Get your co-workers involved and play different roles.  Find out who can scream the best or has the highest tolerance for burning hot coffee on their bare skin. 

This is a highly interactive 3D blog after all.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

When Blue is Really Yellow.

true blue 1

My brother should have been diagnosed with ADHD.  He only half listened to what people were saying and so usually ended up with half the instructions before he started things.

He missed that it was supposed to be a yellow buttercup flower that you held under your chin and if you could see yellow, it meant that you liked butter.  It seemed pretty stupid to me, why not just ask the person if you needed to know that?  Who walks up and gives someone bread and then whips out a yellow buttercup and wrestles the person so you can put the flower under their neck?

Evidently people in the world do it enough that the practice gets handed down from generation to generation.  I think it probably would be pretty irrefutable evidence that television is not as dangerous as being left to our own devices.

Why isn't someone solving that one instead of heading straight for world peace?  Find a way to genetically stop the whole hereditary process of sharing lame, irrelevant practices like the buttercup thing and then try world peace.  Who knows what valuable things you might learn that could help the process?  It might even hold the key to curing cancer along the way.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Mixing Movies, Mountains and Metaphors


I was touched with the magic of The Sound of Music and that beautiful opening scene of her in the mountains, twirling, dancing, running ... singing ... to the whole universe.  "The Hills are Alive . . . .   It was like someone had hit the eject button on life and I was free falling and all the sense of what was and wasn't proper went out the window because I was out the window and I could die at any moment and no-one ever tells someone ejected from a plane what they should and shouldn't do as they hurtle through the air towards the ground.

I completely embraced the idea that life was exactly like that.  We were all ejected from our moms and we were free falling and we should damn well sing on the mountain tops and do whatever else we wanted and when we wanted because we were all going to die anyway.