Wednesday, April 6, 2016

High Definition.

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I never got the whole deal with trolls.  I thought they were butt ugly and their arms didn't even bend.  Barbie bent.  I was into bending.  Blame it on Romper Room - " . . . Bend and stretch, reach for the sky …."

When you are raised in the wilds of the prairies of Canada, you learn things about life.  Like road kill.  I know stuff about road kill that no-one should know.  I learned that things that no longer bend . . . are probably dead.

We weren't allowed to undress in daylight.  Once when my brother got in trouble for masturbating I suggested it was so dark when we had to get undressed how the hell else would we be able to find "it" unless we searched for "it" with our hands. . . and then . . . If you have OCD or something . . . reaching for "it" repeatedly would not mean necessarily that you were going to hell . . . would it?

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That's when I learned about rhetorical questions and also that you may think you are helping your big brother but you actually aren't, so don't . . . ever again . . .

There is a reason so many people on the prairies buy those memory enhancement programs.  Without that help, many people would not even know where to find their junk anymore.

If I left Barbie undressed in the toy box, I was in big trouble.  What if the minister came over for dinner?  I asked them if they thought it was really appropriate for the minister to be rummaging through my toy box, in my room, unsupervised and hello … weren't they supposed to be protecting me from stranger danger and not promoting opportunities?  He was never going to know Barbie was a whore unless they said he should go and search my toy box for evidence of  prostitutes as we were fresh out of possessed people or witches for him to exorcise.   I pointed out that they frequently asked my brother "What the hell possessed you to think you could do that?" which is pretty much grounds for the minister could work on him.

They were always worried that my brother was going to see Barbie.  Evidently plastic bumps are a real turn on for 30 year old men.  I told them at some point they were going to have to accept he was through puberty and no-one had died, it was safe for us all to release the chastity belts.  My poor brother was not allowed to play with Barbie unless they could find someone to come and dress Barbie for him and hand her to him, after she undid the blind fold and released him from the box that they kept him in under a rock . .. . a dark box of course  . . . with his hands tied above his head so he was not tempted.

They even went snakey if I left my baby dolls naked.  Other kids were able to clean up their rooms and start on their Bible Study right away.  It always took me an extra hour just to make sure all the dolls were dressed properly and the teddy bears tufts of hair covered everything before I was allowed to do Bible Study.   (oh wait ... I may have encouraged that practice just a bit)

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The thing that never made sense, and scarred me for life, was that they didn't care about two dolls . . . Trolls and Ken.  Those could be butt naked.  No-one cared about what skewed idea seeing  amputated male anatomy might do for a child.  Or how a child might be confused between those two, which one was the handsome prince she was supposed to marry one day.  

I asked a lot of questions about why it was such a bad thing to like girls.  Basically the grandparents just confused the heck out of me with all their rules and "going to hell-otes."  Seemed to me that whore Barbie was the only one having any fun with her life.  I wanted to be just like Barbie, only with better definition.

SKIN:  Lara Hurley-Dani Dark
HAIR:  rezology  Peekaboo
EYES:   Egozy.Eyes Illuminate Turquoize
LASHES:  [Hush] BONUS Lush Lashes
TOP:  ISON - spy top (snow)
PANTS:  ISON- spy pants (snow)
JEWELLERY:  Cae :: Entangled :: Ensemble
BOOTS:  [:ME:] Jen's Ankle Shoes White

FURNITURE:  [CIRCA] - Flower Power Event -"BLOOM" Items
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