Tuesday, May 31, 2016

All Hail Evolvement and the Unencumbered Breast.


Recently there has been a lot of arguing about the validity of bras.  Some are suggesting they are unhealthy for women because they restrict the lymph nodes and cause congestion which can cause some other serious health problems.  Others say that we are all just a bunch of stupid prudes and we should grow the heck up already.  One man has even done a study to show bras cause more droopage and nipple displacement than going braless does.

Of course, the lingerie makers, lead by a very angry, heavily armed bunch of angels and their fearless leader Victoria the Boulder Holder, are contesting all the ideas and insist they will never give up and are prepared to fight to the death.

I have a million questions:

1.  I wonder if the newly enhanced silicone army will be as enticed to enlarge their breasts if there is no longer any packaging to display said boobilage?  Sometimes a present looks much prettier all wrapped up with ribbons and bows than once it is opened.   Is a boob anything without the packaging?  Consider perfume in your pondering.  What IS perfume without the pretty bottle?

2.  What will we fixate on if we breasts lose their mystique? We can't go back and reinvent the wheel.  Does anything say mommy to men more than a breast?  And if we don't have it wrapped up in some kind of shrine . . . how special can it be?

Friday, May 13, 2016

Resting Bitch Face - My Story.


Resting Bitch Face, let's discuss.

I used to get yelled at all the time for not smiling more.  I was a kid of the seventies, living in a world where there was war and discord.  Women were burning their underwear just trying to get people to care about the fact that they were pissed about not getting the same opportunities as men.  People were having sex in the parks, with everyone else.  People were doing drugs.  People traded in their souls for Rock and Roll.  Elvis was hip swivelling and people were looking. 

I didn't do drugs.  I was not having sex.  I was not burning anyone's underwear.  I would have been happy to have a bra, I certainly was not going to burn it when I got it.  I was never into Elvis.  I was a straight A student who went to church every Sunday and sang in the choir.  And the tragedy was, according to my grandparents, I needed to smile more. 

Or I was probably going to hell.

It was a wonder they did not call for an exorcist.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Bright and Bold.


Awhile ago I posted a pic on social media of a fabulous group of older ladies dressed in an explosion of colours and patterns and styles.  Loved it.

I was surprised at the reaction it evoked.  Along with many who felt as I did, there were those who thought it clownish, a joke, and a tasteless display unbecoming for older women to adopt.  Someone remarked that older people are invisible no matter what they wear. 

I put my glasses on.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Travel Broadens the Mind.


I used to drive the little lawn mowing tractor around the farm and pretend I was in Paris, riding a scooter through the busy streets.

I would shout out "bonne journée" to the cows as I drove by and they would moo at me all judgemental like.  I could tell they were mocking me and saying, "THAT's not a scooter and YOU are no fashion model."  I would shout back, "jambes hamburger!" (hamburger legs!)

No-one cared back then that kids got bullied by cows.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

I Prefer Stumps.


You know living near the beach in a freaking hot country brings its own kind of problems.  (You may need to get a hanky for this one, or have a friend there to hold you while you weep.)

In Canada, we worry about things like, "if you don't put enough socks on when you go outside, you could lose all your toes to frostbite."  Then you end up with stumps and you walk funny.  People always blamed the cowboy boots and riding horses for the funny way cowboys walk, but the truth is they didn't listen to their moms, lost their toes to frostbite and now have stumps to walk on.  You try walking in Cowboy boots with stumps and see how funny you look.  (Please feel free to give a big shout out to moms here and the fact they do, indeed, know it all and should be obeyed.  Not MY mom necessarily, but me .. as a mom…)