Thursday, April 6, 2017

Under The Influence Of The Evening News.


Last night there was a report on the evening news about a 95 year old man who was busted for speeding around his gated community in his converted golf cart/wheelchair super-sonic road blaster.  I think he was doing wheelies on the round-a-bout and it was freaking out the neighbours so the police really leaned on him and warned him they would get him if he did not stop it.

Another evening new Police Brutality report.

The cops were incredibly stern with him.  They made him stop and show them some ID and they informed him he was speeding and operating his vehicle in a dangerous manner.  No-one even tried to do a strip search.  Despite that, the guy put his hands up and sneered at them and told them to go ahead and cuff him, he didn't care.  He was a really bad dude.  I could already hear the comments that would be made on the viral You Tube piece of this gangsta grandpa.  They would say he deserved what he got.  He was asking for it.

He obviously got two of the cops who had recently attended the sensitivity training and these cops were not moved by mere words.  They were wearing their Teflon underwear.  They were cool even in the heat of this volatile confrontation. 

They didn't even taser the bad ass senior.

The officers just got back in their cars and left.  And then, the police commission reviewed their actions and everyone apologized and said they were sorry they were so heavy handed and it would never happen again.  I mean, they didn't buy him a pony or anything but they were really, really, really sorry.  

Senior power!!

We have got it.  We can use it.  We can change the world.  They will never call us frail again.  Viagra clearly also has a strengthening effect on backbones.  We are a force to be reckoned with and as I watched the show I could feel that power flowing across the tiled floor and into me.  I could do anything!

That is what I told my husband when I got up this morning and wired a shovel to the front of my bike, a type of holster for the cattle prod on the side of the seat, and a wagon carrying a bunch of cages behind me.  I set out to find the neighbourhood cats that are illegally running wild around the neighbourhood.

The police picked me up around lunch time.   My hubby got the phone all he was wanted for questioning regarding my arrest.

My lawyer says he does not think that I will get a pony or even an apology from anyone.  Something to do with the golden rule of never working with kids or animals - they always upstage the best of your political points that you are trying to make.  To be fair, I never intended to involve a kid but he wouldn't let go of the cat and so I had to put both of them in the cage.  Evidently, you are not allowed to take children with their pets.  They call it kidnapping. 

If I just took the cat I would have been doing my civic duty. 

I think there are a lot of lessons to be learned here.  The most important one is that there is a fine line between civic duty and kidnapping and probably, to be safe, you should live a life free of any sense of duty.  In fact, it would be better to just ignore civic everything.  Civic is a trap.  DO NOT get sucked into caring about it.

 Also, the evening news should at least include disclaimers on their stories.  They have a duty.  People are heavily influenced by the things they see on television.  It makes it all seem so acceptable and then they do things.  As I type this, seniors could be leaping off tall buildings and finding out they cannot fly.  THAT is a very painful lesson, let me tell you.

I could fight this.  I was a victim clearly.  Maybe I could go for gender inequality.  If I was a man the police would have never tasered me.  Or maybe ageism …if I was older I wouldn't have been strip searched.  I will figure it out.  I always do.  I am going to call the feminists, they know how to stick it to everyone.  I am a woman.  I have the right to stop reproduction, who cares how old that kid was.

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